Outside
the night breathes and titillates
in a puddle of starlight
sweetly-scented soft & feminine
Inside
aparitions rise and disappear--
instants flicker in shadowland
Outside
the night is an enormous utterance
in an alien tongue
Here
we move inside the hour--
there is no end, no beginning,
just the rustle of sighs
when our bodies meet.
Author's Notes/Comments:
In this little poem I tried to explore the different spaces and textures we perceive in what we call "reality." In fact, what we perceive as the "real" is a very subjective and complex conglomerate of sensations, images, ideas, feelings, and subconscious intuitions. This is, of course, my own version of the poem. But poems form their own universes of significance and each reader will perceive different aspects of it. I would very much appreciate comments on this poem. Thank you for caring.
Jim,
I don't know how I missed this first time aroung. Maybe it was back in my "shy" days.:) Glad it came back into view. I loved every word in it esp. "alien tongue". Tis is wonderful. Linda
Hi Jim I'm glad this one came up in the top ten list. You wrote this wonderfully. I really liked the part of the alien tongue... great job and thanks for sharing. Cya Roz :)
very well assembled poem Jim I particularly like the last stanza. Might I humbly suggest one small change though, Maybe the word tittilate might be substituted with scintillate, suggesting the sparkling effect of starliight (in a puddle perhaps?) regards Paul.
What I truly enjoyed with this piece is the structure that is used to draw the attention of the reader to the subject of each verse. It brought simplicity & power to the changing scenes. I saw myself moving outside, inside & so on. Very well done. Amy
Gentle is the night♥
Jim... I have to say that this one is most interesting... I like it... I really love the part about the Alien tongue.... I live in the city and there are so many things that I am not use to ...I am use to living in the country and so now I feel as though I live in an alien land... and I most defininalty loved the last ..... just the rustle of sighs... when our bodies meet.... wow that is great... Renee'
This is a nice gem...glad that it was selected for the top ten... (it is getting difficult to get around and see everyone's work,) the top ten feature is a good place to see postpoem's best... Congratulations!!! Very nice work.
Great job Jim!! Each segment gives a different picture in my mind, I like it!
Jim, I like this. As you said, Poems take on a different meaning to each person that reads them. To me, this poem meant that we make our own realities, in a way. At least that is how I see it. My visions and dreams are extensions of MY reality, some have happened, others will happen, but more insightfulness than guess or wish. A person can only amount to how far they can dream. No vision=no progress. This is a beautiful poem.
Jim, Very well done, especially liked "the alien tongue." The difference between the two relationships was given in clear concise terms, but, to be honest, thought it was not deep enough in this regard: that the 'alien tongue' must also be inside, somehow, somewhere. Liked.