Author Information
Undone
Folder:
Erotica His breath near my face
I hold his head in my hands
Look into his eyes
He slowly kisses me.....
I wrap my arms around his chest pushing his shirt off
Unzip his jeans and reach in
Couldnt get his pants off fast enough
He picks me up
Repositions me to his liking
Laying on my back
He kisses me starting at my feet trailing to my lips
Sweet teasing licks that make me shudder all over in sex chills
Spreading my legs
He slowly kisses me.....there
Surprising me making me want to scream
Not listening to my pleas to stop
Fllicking my sweet spot with his tongue
Making me come
My turn now, i make him lie down
Grab him gently
Licking and sucking driving him mad
Take him in my mouth sweet sin
He becomes undone
My lover, my friend
I disagree that the poem
I disagree that the poem contains a little too much information. If the descriptive detail becomes too much for a reader, that reader should . . . if he or she can . . . stop reading and move on. After all, the amount of water contained in an olynpic-sized pool is far greater than what can be held by a porchside kiddie pool. The depth of the recipient determines what is a little too much, a lot too much, or just right, or not enough. I think the whole poem turns on the final line, which justifies all the preceding lines. I think the Song of Solomon gives us a precedent here: some could complain about the plethora of detail given by the writer about the lady described therein; but the statement, Love is as strong as death, puts all of the preceding detail in a fully different, and metaphysical, ligh. Following that pattern for this secular poem, "He becomes undone / My lover.my friend" casts the previous intimacy into an encounter that now has spiritual dimensions, which are realized in the final line. I, for one, applaud your poem, and I think I have enough poems posted to give my opinion a bit of credibility.
Starward