She is having a hard time with her feeling and the need to be understood. It is strange or not strange that she is unable to find a real way to express with her words through voice. It does seem to be true that she chooses misery. Though she does try to talk herself out of it. When she attempts to open her heart and share, it is recieved in a way that leads her to believe that they don't care to understand her truth.
Choice of Topic
I was talking to myself and I said, Self, you should compliment people on their poetry in a positive way and be less critical. Life is tough enough and people work really hard on their poems. They I thought, eats too much time, but I tried it and I was smiling afterward. Jokes and fun take energy - for those you love you have to be willing to play the fool and be silly. My grandson cracks me up with that. - slc