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I thought I understood him
I thought that I understood what he was going through, but we all handle it differently. I mean, I understand that he's hurting, but I only just realized that he's giving up more and more of himself every day... And I'm scared, I'm scared that one day, he'll be gone for good, and I don't know where he's going after that. He did exactly what I did... He blamed God, and I've been praying and praying for God to show himself to him, even just a glimpse, so that I won't have to see him hurting anymore... He's starting to realize how the world works... It's problems, it's judgement, it's hurt and pain... All I want is for him to be happy again, and that'll be enough for me, then I can be happy again, but until then, I'll fight off the demons with my sword and my shield, and my prayer... He would be able to pray with me in the mornings, he could actually start a fire in my soul and build my weak faith, because the Lord knows that I need the help, "Woe to you, with little faith". God knows that I'm alone right now, and that I need another candle to reignite me, because even he knows that we need to be together in two's, why else would he ask for that when he gathered the twelve and sent them two by two? But right now, he's trapped in the grave with his grandfather, and he doesn't care that there's no oxygen, he doesn't care how uncomfortable he is, and he doesn't know how much it's killing me to watch him kill himself like that, to watch the boy who is like- no, IS a brother to me, act like he's happily resting in the grave, when I know that he's chained to his grandfather by an emotional chain that is his embrace that's harder to cut than Hercules string of life and it shoots through his heart right into mine... He loves him and doesn't want to let him go, and I want him to know that me and God love them both, and we wish that he would just understand the depths of our love, that's all I ask, is that he would let go of the hurt, and embrace the light that I want to give him. If God can bring Lazarus back in perfect condition, then he can bring my friend back too... I hear God say it every time I talk to him every morning at the pole and every night before bed, "let him come to me, bring him to me, for he is weary and needs rest, and I know that you and I miss him" as he wipes the tears that I cry for him nightly off my chin and cheek when I rest at my Fathers feet.
Please, come back to us. I miss you, we all miss you... With God's love, God bless.
