Pages weep as chapters close;
Clocks are aging and windows fading
Eying the thorny, withering rose
As regretful snow creates pools of wading.
Author's Notes/Comments:
In the last two lines, the meaning was supposed to represent that people are aware of a decline in themselves both through age and morality and even self progress, yet they are too overcome by their own fears and past experiences to ever move forward. Therefore, they're stuck in this repeated cycle which is one the reasons why I implemented a reference to seasons and changes. Though people's environments may change, they never change with it nor do they adapt; they merely remain in a perpetual darkness that only worsens through their own bitterness.
I like the "watery" parallel
I like the "watery" parallel between the weeping pages and the regretful snow's creation of a wading pond. Both images give us a kind of mini-deluge. You deployed them very strategically, and they kind of "sneak up" on the reader. Like Stevens' poems, yours have more going on in them than at first meets the reader's eye. That is always a great aspect to have.
J-9thxciv (J 9th 94)
Thank you so much! Today, I
Thank you so much! Today, I went to my first college class, and it was comparative literature. On the syllabus, it states that we will be doing an analytical essay based on a poem of our choice. And, I think I'm going to attempt to a Stevens. ^_^ just wanted to let you know
Wow, you have just made my
Wow, you have just made my whole day by stating you ambition to write about a Stevens' poem for your class. I am just amazed, and I think he would be mighty pleased to have you aboard as one of his readers. He has a good many short poems, and several long ones. Some of his whimsical titles open into some very interesting poems. One of my favorites, "A Weal Mind in the Mountains" is a nighmare/murder poem, and "Girl in a Nightgown" is, according to some, a prediction of either the enormous upheaval of WWII or, possibly, the fear of nuclear holocaust.
J-9thxciv (J 9th 94)
I understand your paradox
And for precedent, I might cite Eliot's poem sequence, Four Quartets. He said time cannot be redeemed---to me that is the same as growing old, if growing old means becoming (over time, no pun intended) obsolete, useless, broken down, etc.
This could easily become an excellent epigram on general entrop. However, I am uncomfortable making suggestions without your prior permission, and then only by note, as this comment section is too public for that kind of discussion. Feel free to decline if you like, as I almost never take a suggestion for rewording from anyone. (My person motto is Pontius Pilate's words, "What I have written, I have written." But, given our previous discussions, if you care to hear the suggestion, let me know. If not, it does not change my admiration of your work in any way.
J-9thxciv (J 9th 94)
Clever rhyme and excellent
Clever rhyme and excellent flow. :) I like :P very well done keep up the great work
thank you very much :)
thank you very much :)
The
Gravity of those 4 lines is grounding...and leaves some room open for unique interpretatin...which is something that ive always enjoyed... like a Jimi Hendrix wind cries Mary, Salvidor Dali- esque sort of feeling im left with that really plays nicely with my imagination..
Well Done!
x) thank you... I wanted to
x) thank you... I wanted to do something different.. something short... a bit ambiguous
Ambiguous?
You succeeded in more. Personification of ideas and entities is always fun. I enjoyed it three x and will return again. Intriguing write ~A~
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^_^ thank you :)
^_^ thank you :)
A Re-Reading
"regretful snow" is a really fine image - enjoyed :S