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God, if I can feel this much pain

Over something i'm not even sure is real

what will i do if it IS real?

How an I supposed to stay together?

The constant stress keeps weighing down

As if rolling down a moutain and gaining momentum

How do I live?

I need to save some of me

for me.

Because right now I have none.

Empty and wandering only to be filled

with salty waters.

I wish I had a button,

I could push the world away.

I don't want to be lyk this again.

Happy is better,

Isn't it?

isn't it worht everything, absolutely everything?

Even if it is a temporary happy,

I always have the hope that

if i see the sun for a moment,

then maybe it will stay out

and keep me warm.

Futile hope.

What does it bring?

Pain.



Is it possible to feel broken and want to cry?

And STILL be happy?

of course not.

Fucking preposterous idea.

How could I think such a thing.

When, with every breath I take,

I live a fucking lie.

Happy all the time?

HELL NO.

Happy most of the time?

Possibly but it always seems overcast.

Yet always, do i smile? DO i laugh?

Even with tears freefalling.

Of course i do.

So maybe other peoples opinions,

What they think, what they say,

doesn't matter as much as I thought.

Just maybe

I can live my life.

Maybe I can do this.

Even with the tears.

A smile amidst the storm

Maybe then I won't be lying?