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UBER peril
Exiting the party late Saturday night, I had ordered an UBER through my iPhone app. Julian, the UBER driver had texted me that he had already arrived at my location. I hop onto his Volkswagen Jetta and a 25-year old man with a beard dressed in a suit greets me. As we start driving he offers me water and a magazine, the usual routine for this type of chauffer.
The streets are empty and the dim mercury lights are the only things illuminating the coarse dark Monterrey streets.
Suddenly I see the lights of another car through the side passenger mirror. The car is going quite fast, way over the speed limit of 50 km per hour. As the ambiguous driver approaches the he honks his horn, which instantly reveals that it is a taxi cab driving a Tzuru.
The drivExiting the party late Saturday night, I had ordered an UBER through my iPhone app. Julian, the UBER driver had texted me that he had already arrived at my location. I hop onto his Volkswagen Jetta and a 25-year old man with a beard dressed in a suit greets me. As we start driving he offers me water and a magazine, the usual routine for this type of chauffer.
The streets are empty and the dim mercury lights are the only things illuminating the coarse dark Monterrey streets.
Suddenly I see the lights of another car through the side passenger mirror. The car is going quite fast, way over the speed limit of 50 km per hour. As the ambiguous driver approaches the he honks his horn, which instantly reveals that it is a taxi cab driving a Tzuru.
The driver murmurs in spanish “Ay carajo! Virgencita por favor ayúdame!”
By the look in his face I assumed this wasn´t a good thing.
Like a call of a hyena to the rest of the pack, the taxi horn assembled four other taxi cabs that were now chasing us each time approximating even more to the back bumper of the Jetta. I hear gun shots, and Julian starts driving faster.
“What is happening?!” I asked Julian.
“The taxis, they are ganging up on us! They are against UBER drivers because they say we are taking their jobs” Julian answered. “But don´t worry I know what to do, just calmly open the glove compartment and read the instruction manual and read it to me.”
As I open the instruction manual I go to the Index, to the ‘Mortal Peril’ section and to subheading “In case of taxi persecution” in page 57.
I start reading: “Underneath the passengers seat, lift the matt and take out the weapon.” I searched and took out an AK-47 and could not believe my eyes. “Pass it to the driver and open the sunroof (this will allow a more comfortable angle for shooting). At this moment I was in complete shock.
“Take the wheel!” Julian says as his upper body disappears through the sunroof.
We are now going at 110 km/hr and I´ve never driven so fast in my life.
Julian starts shooting and in between shots he says WHAT... DOES... THE MANUAL..... SAY.... TO... DO..... NOW?!
Jualian had an excellent aim and had hit both of the front tires of one of the taxicabs: One down, three left.
It was extremely hard to multitask, I mean, reading a manual and driving at more than 80 mph was no walk in the park.
I read the subsection, which said: “If more help is needed” I looked up and realized I was about to hit a street light pole so took a sharp turn. Julian grunted and kept on firing. Some bullets hit the rear window of the car and shattered them into thousands of small crystals. I kept on reading: 1) Push button to spray the windshield three times 2) When ready shift the gear from D to N in the panel *CAUTION this does not stand for Neutral* 3) In three seconds the NITRO feature will be activated, anticipate jets of fire, high speeds and if possible avoid using it in very flammable places. I did as the instruction manual indicated and at first nothing happened. Three seconds later a heavy cloud of black smoke exits the muffler making the taxicabs vanish completely from sight and suddenly I felt a gust of wind as the Jetta accelerated exponentially. A hellish fire could be seen by the rearview mirror. The plants and street lines just whizzed by, but the adrenaline somehow made it all happen in slow motion. Luckily Julian had gotten into the car before the Nitro started.
The buzz from the nitro lasted about 20 seconds, for a moment I felt I was in my videogame ‘Need for Speed’, a dream come true for every teenage boy.
We lost the three taxis.
“You did an excellent job kid.” Jualian told me, as sweat drops ran down his face.
He drove me home, and at the end of the ride offered me a card.
“Sorry for the inconvenience, this card will give you free UBER rides for the rest of your life” Julian said “ have a good night.”
He drove off and left me in the sidewalk like if nothing had happened.
