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NELSON MUNTZ FOR CLASS PRESIDENT

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These are tough, trying times.  We need a tough, brutal leader to guide us.  With the trials of the day apparent, I present the case of electing Nelson Muntz for class president.  He is just the man for the job.

 

Now granted in this age of P.C. thinking, a rough and tumble bully may not be the obvious choice.  But he’s got to be better than any other candidate.  He’s the only one tough enough to handle the job.  Imagine a young Clint Eastwood.  He wouldn’t take any guff from anyone.  He wouldn’t hesitate to punch you in the duff.

 

And in spite of being from the wrong side of the tracks, I think Nelson would enjoy authority.  Could any fan of Andy Williams be all bad?  This would be the ideal law and order candidate for these most trying, violent times.

 

Nelson is misunderstood.  He comes from a broken family.  This is the root of his bad behavior.  He does long for acceptance.  Surely this is better than a rich, coke snorting candidate who doesn’t feel the need to answer any questions.  He would be more straightforward than any candidate.  He’s too raw to be anything but himself.

 

And “HaHa” is the proper response to a lot of the whininess in the world.  Everyone aggrandizes their own problems.  We need a man to say “ha ha” and move on.  Nelson Muntz is truly the man for the job.  He wouldn’t cave in.  Pity is for scoundrels.  The greatest giver of alms is cowardice as Nietzsche intoned.  Surely Nelson would not be the man to cry to.  He’s dealt with too much crap in his life for that.

 

Nelson Muntz for Class President is just what America and Springfield Elementary School needs.  He’s tough.  He’s not wishy washy on the issues.  His ascent to the office would be a true Horatio Algers story.  It’s a tale that all of us could view with great pride.  This would be the salt of the earth finally inheriting it. 

 

10-18-00

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written as a spoof of the general election in 2000.  I have been housecleaning and discovering a lot of old material.  This was originally published on a now defunct writing website.  If memory serves me correct it was called Themestream.

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last updated 19 August 2021 - 1:06pm
©25 February 2019 - 1:42am — georgeschaefer
9 March 2019 - 1:05am — allets
allets's picture

I Have Not Laughed This Hard

(since yr last pome). Very witty. "Pitty is for scoundrels" rocks. Exception: I am a part of everyone and I am in SAA Self Aggrandiser's Anonymous. - slc

 

 

9 March 2019 - 3:07pm — georgeschaefer
georgeschaefer's picture

fair enough.  Glad you

fair enough.  Glad you enjoyed.  I found a few pieces I wrote on the 2000 election.  I ran a spoken word event for the Fringe Festival in Philly in 2004 and wrote a bunch of election year theme material than I am trying to unearth.  Going through the archives has been a lot of fun.

25 February 2019 - 2:40am — Jesster
Jesster's picture

Wow, the year 2000

. Internet was so different back then. The show we watched in those election times were a real eye opener for me. I could not believe my eyes or ears. What a strange observance it's been since. Somebody needs to write a Vermin Supreme poem. That guy for president is most entertaining. Free ponies!

Copyright © JessterStarshine

28 February 2019 - 12:45am — georgeschaefer
georgeschaefer's picture

I found some of my election

I found some of my election writings from 2000.  In 2004, I ran a spoken word event as part of the Philadelphia Fringe Festival and did an election year theme.  I held a rigged election where I was reelected as Grand Poobah of the Kafka Restoration Society (a non-existent society I created).  I'm trying to find the writings I did for that event.  Stay tuned.