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First Love
Love songs swirling down from heaven
Like the wind out of the sky
Always leaving then returning
On a never ending ride
Like a comet from some lost world
Burning bright with ancient coals
Like a roulette wheel turning
Filling gambling hearts with hope
Or a soft inviting beckoning
Past the reason of all grace
Where the heart is on a journey
Spinning wildly into space
Filled with magic you design
Deep within your haunted mind.
Like a calling that you follow
To make sure it's yours alone
As your thoughts become a cistern
Filled with springs of boiling foam
Where your vision never waters
Down the dreams you've always held
In a bath of self improvement
Where you just can't be yourself
And the caution of acceptance
Has become like rolling dice
While the hands of father time
Try to hide you from your vice
Where the heart is on a journey
Spinning wildly into space
Filled with magic you design
Deep within your haunted mind.
Words that echo in your novice
Thoughts that flame within your head
You think they'll burn forever
Like the truth that's never dead
Like waves spill from the ocean
Bringing new life to the sand
It's the mystery of becoming
Of the age to understand
That drumming of your heartbeat
The summary of your worth
Where love has come to reckon
Past the miracle of birth
While the nuance of your lessons
Fill in an empty place
Where your heart is on a journey
Spinning wildly into space
Filled with magic you design
Deep within your haunted mind.
Balance
I kept reading it as "within your deeply haunted mind." or "from a deeply haunted mind." for continued cadence pattern and balance. I'm into adverbs in poetical configurations these days. Like haiku you have to find the extra syllable or a way to lose one or create an accent or lack of accent. "Like a roulette wheel (that's) turning" Scanned, equals the extra syllable. "Like waves spill(ing) from the ocean." I'm a lover of E A Poe's rhythmic chiming: "The Bells: is my favorite (and he abandons his rhythm scheme horribly and repetitiously at the end. An unintimidated editor should have pulled his quill on that. - slc
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Such an excellent comment!
I am afraid I don't have your knowledge which I perceive is in depth
as you obviously love the mechanics of proper syntax presentation.
I am a song writer and lyricist and write with my heart on my sleeve
and gramatic perfection would make my everyday appeal to the masses
much too robotic for the massaging of my heart felt expressions.
There really isn't any songwriting rules, although many have tried to establish
what they believe should be the approach but rules never really come
down out of heaven with the melody and lyrics.
Thank you so much I really appreciate your input!
People don't run out of dreams they just run out of time.
You Are Welcome
Song writing is a talent I could never accomplish well. Like you said, it comes. I prefer open verse that does not rhyme and most songs do, not all, but most of them. It's a different beat because when sung, a one syllable word can become two or five. Good luck with your song writing - slc
Thanks
I like to read open verse as it still has a certain flow to make it appealing.
People don't run out of dreams they just run out of time.