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In Sorrow
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Poetry A nusiance,
I guess that's all I am to you.
Someone who never leaves you alone....
But that's not what I try to be,
Want to be,
I long to be something more,
Someone you love,
Trust,
Can't you see what I love you
With everything that I have?
Are you blind to my love?
Or do you just ignore it?
Can't you tell I'm desperate
to get your attention?
I'd give anything, do anything,
to be with you,
To be loved.
I often wonder....
What I mean to you anymore,
What I did to you,
to make you the way you are
towards me.....
I've given you all I know how,
It was all in vain.
Why don't you care about me anymore?
I die a little inside,
With each word you say,
A world of doubt and confusion
consumes me.
It hurts to love you,
Yet I still continue.
This futile effort to get you to return my love.
I know it's useless,
But I can't give up.
I try to be strong,
It takes a tremendous effort.
2500 miles away,
and still my love for you endures.
It's a struggle every day,
To get past the thoughts of you.
I tear myself apart with the questions;
The why's
& how's,
Why I love you,
Why you don't love me.
(I know it's something you can't control,
But honestly, would a little compassion hurt?)
The stinging comments,
The jokes,
All the pain.
It makes me wonder,
If any of this is worth it.
The dreams and hopes I had of you.
Lay shattered
Destroyed.
---just remnants of what
I used to have with you.
Your love for me died long ago,
But for me, the fire still burns.
My heart still aches,
Longs,
Yearns,
To have love,
Some feelings to consume,
Even just a tiny flicker,
of love,
Compassion.
I lay by myself,
Everday,
Crawl into a corner,
And weep,
--for what is gone,
I cry out to God,
To make the pain leave.
I don't want to love you,
I just can't seem to make it stop.
I draw close into myself,
The memories,
of you,
of us,
---float around in the sea
of thoughts
That is my mind.
They drown me.....
In sorrow
-for Christian Ray Oliveros-
