loving him
rosaline isn't my given name, but it's what i prefer to go by. a little history on the name:
rosaline (pronounced ROZ-a-lin) is the name of a character in shakepeare's 'love labour lost' and 'romeo and juliet'. it is a form of the name rosalyn which is in turn a form of the name rosalind. rosalind means 'soft horse', derived from the germanic names for horse (hros) and linde (soft, tender). the name was brought to england by the normans and was then influenced by the latin phrase rosa linda meaning 'beautiful rose'. it's also the name of heroine in the shakespeare comedy 'as you like it'.
i'm sixteen, and a junior in high school. texas is a horrible place to live: especially small, out-of-the-way-of-all-other-civilization-towns.
delve a little deeper:
i am who you see before you, and nothing more (or maybe something more if you care to look around). i'm rosaline, eve, pandora, and lot's wife all rolled into one. a ball of entwined mistakes rolling to a stop at your feet.
i am a lover, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and a servant of God. don't ask me to regret any of the above because i don't believe in wanting to take back feelings or actions or dreams. i am who i am. i know that the world doesn't revolve around me, but i'd love to get a little bit of attention from the people passing hurriedly by.
i am addicted to books because they are who i wish i could be. they are my (seemingly) unreachable future: travelled & well-read & exhausted but still moving. read with me and believe: atlas shrugged, anthem, harry potter, lotr, white oleander, the giver, wheel of time, archangel, midnight in the garden of good & evil, speak, you don't know me, the perks of being a wallflower.
i've come to know music as a way to escape. hanson (x), josh groban, linkin park, good charlotte (x), new found glory (x), mxpx (x), bright eyes, saves the day, brand new, oleander, john mayer, rufus wainright, dashboard confessional. [x denotes artists i've seen in concert.]
movies & television pass the time until i'm with my muse again; i have no other option. joan of arcadia, monty python, star trek, harry potter, lotr, emperor's club, white oleander, punkdrunk love, requiem for a dream, moulin rouge, catch me if you can, spaceballs, robin hood: men in tights, everwood, gilmore girls, smallville.
i'm a writer, which makes me a dreamer by default. i've failed a million times in many aspects, but in the scholastic one i am used to passing. i have an affinity for high school, and don't know how i am excepted to survive these next five months or senior year. (i'm a junior.) sometimes i feel that i am wrong, stupid, a fool: stuck in my own beliefs, and everyone else is wonderful. but if i look into the mirror, something i catch a glimpse of the beauty he says exists within me.
i despise my family, yet i want a large one of my own. i want boys and girls, beautiful children, running barefoot through my yard, taking my hand. i want a marriage to my muse and a life like in the fairy tales that ends in happily ever after. ((my favorite story is cinderalla because it means everyone can be beautiful. every girl is a princess and can have a prince, so long as they have a heart.))
i'm looking forward to prom not only because it means playing pretend, (happines & laughter & being attractive) but because it signifies the closing of a school year.
i'm unhappy and few see it. not my family or my friends. now even you who is reading this can know.
but he does, and i love him for it.
i'll let you wonder
'Never think of pain or danger or enemies a moment longer than it is necessary to fight them. You're here. It's our time and our life, not theirs. Don't struggle not to be happy. You are.' -John Galt