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Who are you?
Who are you, this man who lies beside me?
I once thought I had the answer to that you know.
I was secure in your love and never thought to ask it again,
Or even question myself once I had you in my life.
I reveled in your kisses; you bubbled beneath my lips like champagne.
With taste and smell, I became a willing addict and you,
My drug of choice.
It is only now, with the empty nights, after years have past,
I have merely myself to hold and you are inches/miles away,
That I fight with my need.
There is no touching you, no warm and welcoming arms to comfort,
To be strong for me when I am weak.
In this stillness, loneliness consumes and eats away
At what false confidence I managed to garner in daylight hours.
You withdraw into yourself, leaving me to face the pain
Of living with you, and without you.
I said the words, made the vow, gave myself over to you,
Mind,
Body,
Soul.
I thought you to be my reward, a world of love, light.
Happiness found at last after a bitter and barren existence and
I knew no greater joy then to gaze upon your face
And thank God that you were mine.
But now I wonder, in this velvet darkness,
As my loneliness bites deep with soul piercing accuracy and
The world has again become that empty place
I thought never to dwell in again,
If you are not my penance, that somehow I asked too much,
Held out my hand once too often.
So that you, who I thought to be my heaven,
Has become my own cold, impersonal hell instead.
