Somewhere in Italy. She’s talking from prison

Folder:

Is she in prison? Everyone asked why did you stay, why did you continue to find abusive men. Sometimes you don’t know it’s abuse, that’s it’s not normal. You are raised in it, no one pulls you aside and says this is not the way it is behind other people’s doors. You don’t walk lightly on littered egg shells in other households. You just think I should try harder, he really loves me and he’s right. And the charge from the fighting the near on sexual arousal is validating to his claims of love. The care the next day the manipulative way you can have what you want in that narrow valley of time before you set it off and your onto it again. From that first time he slams you against the refrigerator because he’s passionate and you tell him it turns you on and it does turn you on. Then you marry because he says no one will ever love you. I love you though you’re full of shit you can tell cuz your eyes are brown I wish your eyes were blue and I really like blondes blonde hair blue eyes and your tits are too big. And that ass. You should lose weight. Oh you’re a 32DD and a size 8 well you gained 10 pounds. After the wedding. And your family’s dysfunctional. They drink oh can you bail me outta jail it’s my second DWI. And you married him anyways though your dysfunctional family said not to. I can’t let them be right. I’m leaving, he says. I’ll tell them you were unfaithful because you found a boyfriend 6 months after I left. Why did I stay?

Because nobody made me weak in the knees like he did nobody set my body a flame like the thought of him then. My need to posseess something or somebody that would not leave me was so great that I would take it in the form it was offered. So afraid of being alone I would go along with Bruises before I let you go. My loneliness fear almost got me killed when you slammed my head against the car window because I picked u up late you not having given me a time. Drunk you berated me and hit me while I drove around a traffic circle until I stopped and pushed you out of the car. Or was that before you slammed my face. I think I came back. I shouldn’t have come back. But I did and “now you are dead. “ for the book. But it’s my life.

Author's Notes/Comments:

It rolled out and I couldn't stop it. I say its for my murder mystery, but its my life. It was my life No longer I left or he left and I cried and havent remarried in 28 years. Havent edited for typos.