Somewhere in Italy The List

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Somewhere in Italy

The landscape of Sicily rocks on uneven wheels. She reaches down into her bag, pulls the folded sheet of ink stained stationary out, the kind of note paper you find tucked in drawers of real wooden hotel furniture.  Was it at the salt baths in Budapest? Romainia?  The hotel's name is gone from the top, doodled over and smeared.  She unfolds, one by one, the crimped pulp fiber, unfurling to a flag the sheet of her desires.

Cross it off, he told her, When you finish a task. Cross it off, and he jammed her head, slat splat onto the notepad of stationary.

Her memories fan up at her in a rush and a gasp, and she crosses his name off her list. Done.

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Part of my murderess book

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patriciajj's picture

You have a gift for compact

You have a gift for compact and breathtaking narration: here is an evocative build-up to a gut-punching scene that less skilled writers would have bogged down with rambling description, with much telling and less showing. But you crept shrewdly with lithe style and intriguing details, then pounced, head on, right into it. 

 

Last two lines: exceptional wordcrafting. Your pen strikes gold! 

djtj's picture

Thank you

Thank you always grasp the concept quickly and critique beautifully. I cleaned up some tense problems. 

Starward's picture

I certainly agree with your

I certainly agree with your keen observations in appreciation of this work.


Starward

[* /+/ ^]

djtj's picture

Thanks

It's kinda weird but thanks with agreeing lol? and reading. 

Starward's picture

No problem.  

No problem.  


Starward

[* /+/ ^]