Eyes Wide

Folder: 
2020 Gad Zooks

Eyes wide like the child

  Sipping sweet experience,

Sparkling stars in disarray,

  The twilight starts to gather,

End to end,

    So they begin,

To greet the moon,

    Each day.

  

or

 

Sparkilng stars in disarray 7

The twilights start to gather 7

end to end to greet the moon 7

And so they begin each day. 6

 

or as a tanka

 

Eyes wide like the child

Sipping sweet experience,

Sparkling stars sit,

And twilight start to gather,

End to end, so they begin,

To greeting the moon each day

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Working on it or maybe its a tanka 5 7 5 7 7 

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patriciajj's picture

Each version has an elegant

Each version has an elegant voice and a luminous eye. I love the line "sipping sweet experience" and the phrase "stars in disarray" so I'd be partial to any combination including these, but however you decide to mix it, it will be magical. 

djtj's picture

Thank you

I do like sipping sweet experiences and stars in disarray. The first is my favorite. But fun experimenting. Thank you for reading and commenting. 

allets's picture

The Winder

completes it ~S~
 



Onyamaichi

 

Januarian's picture

Highly evocative.  Is it a

Highly evocative.  Is it a part of a larger poem?


Januarian

[* /+/ ^]

djtj's picture

Just a short verse

Came out of my art journal I started drawing a night sky and the poem came to me. no reason to not keep going But I think this is best just a snapshot. Thank you for stopping by