PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

I wish I had a ticker for every
Time I said I'm sorry.
I'm not sure what my official count
Might be, but I'm betting in the millions.
Better yet, give me a shock collar
For every time I said it unnecessarily.
Because I never had a friend or a
Parent who told me I didn't need to.
I can't tell you when this became
My mantra or later my default, but it did.

That local sports team let you down? I'm sorry.
Did you accidentally bump into me? I'm sorry.
Is there an awkward silence? I'm sorry.
Mom, are you ignoring me? I'm sorry.
Dad, did you lose your temper? I'm sorry.
Are you two separating? I'm sorry.

In the sea of eighth grade, with older people, I
Had my first drink. After an ungodly amount
Of alcohol for anybody, let alone my thin
Underweight fourteen-year-old body, I blacked out.
I hardly remember anything from that night.
When I woke in hangover purgatory,
I was told I said I'm sorry
Over and over. Didn't know
You could be an apologetic drunk.

So bump into me if you want and
In that awkward silence, I might apologize.
And know this is my hello. This is the
First and last thing I say to most people and
This thing that I tell everyone else,
I can't tell myself.

I've found forgiveness has its own type of
Trickery. Do you ever stop and consider who
You apologize to and what for? I don't.
I'm sorry for everything even when nothing
Is my fault. This always bothered me,
But one night I figured out why.

I'm sorry for my presence.

It's a scary moment when you realize
You are sorry to be alive, and I'll probably
Never fully grasp the why's and how's
That came to be, but I have a small salvation-
I realized this before it was too late.
I don't have a damn clue how I'll do it
But I'm striving for a sense of self that is
Unapologetically me.