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I Have Lost
I have lived and loved,
Won and lost,
Cried and laughed,
It had a cost.
The blood flows freely,
A choice made wrong,
It slowly surpasses
My pleaing song.
The pleasure was great,
The pain was too,
I had it all,
Until I lost you.
The car was fast,
But I was too,
It still beat me,
Beat me to you.
The car had won,
At too much a cost,
Because I was drunk,
It's you that has lost.
I think in the last line I would have put, "its you that I have lost". Why? Because of his dumb mistake, he gave up his one true love. I probably would have changed the first 4 lines to get reads attention. But I liked the twist in the poem. It was good.
Hye Brad
Oh man, I love this poem. I hope it didn't really happen to you, anyway, I'm going now to sign your guest book. Keep 'em coming!!!
Pam
ps: go and critique one of mine
I love this poem. A friend of mine recently passed from Drunk driving, so this really hit home for me. You have good skills, keep writing.