Your Toy


Did you know that I am so
Very sorry that we met,
I wouldn’t have a thing that
I was addicted to,

But I did, do I want a change?
I think not; I wouldn’t want
It any way than it is already
Because I just love you

The way you are
I wouldn’t change anything
About you or the situation
We are currently in

That is how much I love you
Letting you keep her as a ‘toy’
Because you seem to want that
So that you will have

I wont let you know how much
This hurts me, cant you see it,
Right behind this fake ass smile
You want her, so you shall have her

But I cannot have it where
You leave me for her I just cannot
It would be like Gallagher
Smashing a watermelon

But instead of a watermelon
It will be my heart
Shattered into so many pieces
And I’ll just leave them

Exactly where they lay
So every time you come around
(Will you come around?)
You will see the hurt and pain

But that time isn’t now
For now I will have you
Right when I can have you
And we won’t even talk about her

Written on
October 16, 2011

Author's Notes/Comments: 

This was written about Tom ___. I know I have yet to post his last name because of her. There will probably end up being a time when I go back and edit these poems, but for now I'll just leave it be.

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Vixen's picture


Dear Chrystal,

I read this latest poem, and I was alarmed this was written for Tom whom you dedicated most ( or all ) of your poems lately... Including the "Never Enough" poem of yours which I really really like.

Love, is indeed very giving, forgiving, and enduring... Your heart is pure, your love is deep, your unconditional love shines through, so I pray that you and Tom can wither this phase of your relationship... Was she ( his toy ) there before you or after you? I'm asking because if she was there before you and he keeps her, it might be that he has responsibilities he can't leave or simply he cares for her still... If she came after you met, then "ouch!" he has been unfaithful, and... Well, just sad... and I daresay-- Tom is underserving of such a beautiful heart like yours... Honey, I know how it is during this stage. Not seeing him again is unthinkable so you hold on... Love should not hurt... Someone who loves you should not knowingly hurt you. I believe that one can't serve 2 masters at the same time. Meaning, Tom prefers one of you more than the other... I wish he prefers you and would be willing to sacrifice his want for his toy for his love that is you...

This piece of yours speaks of unselfish love. But there is no reciprocity of that kind of giving love. If writing this helped you, then one day I pray you can add a happy note... And can finally write Tom's full name :) I'm sorry for your hurt...

A lovely poem nonetheless!


“ Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."
                                                   ~ Rumi

crimsonangel24's picture

Thank You

Yes he found her after we were together, but I understand the why's. My father does not like him, has not liked him before the accident which caused brain injury and all that. (I nearly lost my life!) However, dad did say he would give him another chance. After dad has said whether to drop him or keep him.
If he says keep him, he will drop the other girl, so he can be only with me. That is what I am hopin for because the reasons for disliking him where petty to begin with, or at least I think so.
Which, even if he says drop him who the fuck is he to say? I mean, I am the one dating him!

So this is why he is dating her. His relatsionship with her begain like a month after we started dating. I have said it before, that I would rather have my 360 degree vision than to have her much narrower vision.

I don't truly believe in his 'unfaithfulness' per say. I just see it as how he can't be with me at the moment, not publicly anyway, so he has to have some sexual vent. Which I truly believe this is, just like a blow up doll that can actually talk back.

The poem 'Never Enough' I actually enjoyed writing. I happen to think that my poems after the accident are just as good, if not better than they ever were before the crash.

I am sure there will be more poems to come, I still have to break my record of #of poems in a year! So keep watching, reading, and commenting. People like you are the reason I'm glad Gene Conner showed me the site.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Steven Wright

People like you are the reason people like me exsist. Out of a song of the same title by a band called 'Say Anything'

Vixen's picture

I am sorry to hear you had a

I am sorry to hear you had a major accident! I didn't not expect that... Your poems are as lovely as before ( I browsed through an old one for comparison ), so the traumatic brain injury has not at least affected your literary gift... Chrystal, you are such a dear girl, talented, and smart... I trust that you alone, with God's guidance, can weigh the situation better than any onlooker,--even your dad...
Tom sounds very special to you indeed... I still pray that someday, I'll read his full name :) by then, it means he has chosen the very special you regardless of all the challenges and trials he encountered over you... I feel for you Chrystal... I hope this poem helped you vent your emotions and he has read this too :) take care girl ...


“ Let the beauty of what you love be what you do."
                                                   ~ Rumi

crimsonangel24's picture

Yes he has,

read this poem. I figured I should at the very least get his approval before posting it. He did say he was sorry, but that wont mean that much to me until we can actually be together.

And yes, I have always cared very little for my dads thoughts and opionions. Somewhere between him, my mom, and my bro; were the reasons I moved out the day I turned 18 about 7 o'clock that same night. I refused to ever come back. That was of course before the accident.

Yes, this has always been a way for me to vent my emotions. I think that if I wouldn't have discovered poetry, I would have commited suicide years ago.

But thank you, Vixen.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before. - Steven Wright

People like you are the reason people like me exsist. Out of a song of the same title by a band called 'Say Anything'