Author Information
Disgust and Denial
Folder:
High School Fortunes tell
of mysteries weak
in the holes of the fabric
of society
They unravel
and redesign themselves
at a moment's notice
The stars say the words
our feeble minds
cannot think
The will bends so easily
to be wary of the
"Watchful Eyes"
that constantly prick
our shoulders
This torment
is self-made
but our skies are too
clouded
to see the kharma
in our actions
Relief comes sporadically
'till we fall again
into our desires
Fear not,
the end is near, they say
Soon our actions will
catch up to us
and the results
will kill us
Human nature is cheap
We reveal ourselves
too quickly
for the sake of a quick high
or brief touch
Reality never comes easy
After all the sin and laughter
what is left?
Think not with the mind
it is shit
infected by our culture-
throw it out with the
morning trash
Instead,
breathe with the soul
Feel nature's pulse
Strengthen it with your own
Contribute,
lest you become a
puppet-drone
like everyone else.
The answer is not in the
fashions and cliques
It is in your voice and dreams
For,
when the party's over,
who's going to stay to clean up?
One of your other poems was featured on the PostPoems homepage, so I came to view your work, and ended up here. Not a bad poem -- I quite liked parts of it, really. I don't agree with your basic premise, but that's fine. Pieces of it just shined: "We reveal ourselves too quickly for the sake of a quick high or brief touch" Wonderful sentiment succinctly written. I'm with you here. You say in your author's notes you can never think of anything to change on each reread. I can. You can begin with fixing the two spelling errors: 1) "soon our actions wil" (will) 2) "pupet-drone" (puppet-drone) Your punctuation is erratic: capitalization is fair though arbitrarily done in places, and not enough periods to signal the end of a thought. Some white space could help the reader follow your flow in lieu of periods. Also, my own pet peeve, gratuitous profanity in poetry. Lose it and replace it with something more visceral and challenging for both you and the reader. Your author's notes were engaging until I got to the last two words ... what a pity you blew the reader off in such an inelegant way after I took the time to read and reflect on your writing. In truth, you demean your own writing far worse than any critic ever could by saying what you do; really most unfortunate, as your verse is quite intriguing.
Fuck u Toni ... i liked it all! Lighter later Jim