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The blade of my dagger

Crimson Rose

Comes closer to my cheek

And I caress it gently



Kissing the cold, stainless steel blade

And place it at the base of my wrist

At my pulse, I feel the blood flow through

My green veins that wrap around my arm



My hand clenches around the handle tightly

And I find myself shaking violently

I'm scared of dying



But if I do...

Everything will be better...

Won't it?

Then they can just go back to being two...

Happy lovers



With no one else to interrupt them

And their bliss

I press as hard as I can

Without breaking the skin



And run the tip down my vein

And watch as the skin puffs a pink color

So normal for me

I remember one year ago..



I used to see it all the time

And never flinch

Never give it a second thought

The blood was always the best part



Seeing it would fill me with adrenaline

And make my heart beat faster

I look up and I smirk at him

Wondering if he notices what I'm about to do



Or if he thinks I'm just fooling around

But I see the fear in his eyes

And something in me recoils

I do a double-take and stare harder



My mind is shrinking back from the action

I know that I can not do it mentally

But physically I want to and keep thinking

"Do it...you've tried before..keep pushing.."



But the blade is taken away slowly from my skin

Leaving the red marks to stay but fade slowly

Sure I've tried it before...

And I never cut the right way either



I was afraid of dying...

Of leaving the one I love.

And making him go through all the things

I had to when my friend was in the hospital



She tried to commit suicide

And I've never been so mad and sad in my life

When she got out

She got the beating of a life time

But I still care for her



And I guess I have more than one reason to stay alive

I just never thought about it hard enough

There are people who love me

And I love them too





I'm sorry..