My dear sweet Petula
I lay on my back on the bed the other day, looking at photos of you on the cupboard door. I reminded myself that one has to turn away from the dark I was heading towards at a rapid pace, and to walk towards the Light. You, my love, are my Light. All that you have meant to me over the past 11 years - through all the hard times and the fights we've had to the laughter and the good times - you really are my greatest love. Actually I don't think there is even a word for what I feel, it is indescribable, just as true love cannot be defined but only felt.
So I looked at photos of you before we met. Pictures of you as a young woman still finding her place in the world. An extrovert, yet a type I'd never met before - Friendly, warm, curious but very reserved and private. Then I looked at photos of us in our early days - I could feel marriage in our aura together. It was always there, like a destiny.
Sometimes I like to stare at you, yes it's weird as you say! But every time I do, I see something I hadn't noticed before. Like a small freckle on your nose. But it's your eyes, my love, your eyes reflect your beautiful soul. Those warm, expressive hazelnut brown eyes - I never saw anything more warm and beautiful.
You know why I'm writing this letter? Because I want to fall in love with you again. When we make love I want you to have my heart and soul completely. The way your face changes when we make love is beyond words beautiful. The little smile on the corners of your mouth, those beautiful, full lips slightly parted, waiting for my kiss.
I know I cannot live without you, it's like we share the same heart and lungs. To breathe is to feel you throughout my body, your blood and mine the same scarlet colour of love.
I am a flawed man, deeply flawed, troubled, full of problems. I know this. But somehow I also know that it is why I am able to feel the way I do.
I love you Petula, there is no woman in the world more beautiful than you - this I know. You are my perfect woman, a gift from God. Sometimes I might forget that, but I always, always come around to remember that.
I love you my angel - across a million lives and a trillion stars.
My love, My light for all time.
Your husband,
Nick