Author Information
Subconscious Overdose
Folder:
Pain/Ilness A darkened room
on a bedside table
lies a note.
A tale of woe...
of hopelessness...
of emptiness...
of her pain.
With shaking hands
she pours out
a palmful of various pills.
Different colors, sizes, shapes.
Staring at them
she grins wryly
as the odd thought
passes through her mind
of what an interesting design
they seem to make.
'Funny', she thinks,
'How such tiny things
can offer what nothing
or no one has been able...
...peace.'
Her hand slowly lifts
to her mouth
as she deposits
it's contents within'.
Grasping a glass
she flushes down the pills
with the cool water.
'Her last drink'
she realizes
as she quenches her thirst
a final time.
She knows that soon
she will need drink no more.
Nor eat...nor want...
nor cry...nor feel.
For she will need nothing
ever again.
In her last moments
of consciousness,
she prays forgiveness
for the deed she has done.
She's tried for so long,
she can try no more.
Her eyelids grow heavy.
Her body weaker.
She lays her head
upon the soft pillow.
Her breathing grows shallow.
Her heartbeat...faint.
She feels the release.
The triumph at long last
over her tormentor.
With her final breath
she whispers,
'I've beaten you...'
Jolted awake,
she looks to her bedside table.
No note. But a glass of water sits
with her bottles of pills.
Different colors, sizes and shapes.
She recalls her dream
as a tear falls silently
down her cheek.
Reaching for her pills,
she opens some bottles
and removes a pill from each.
Her schedualed dose.
No more...
no less.
She swallows them mechanically
with the cool water,
as has become the habit
of her survival.
Shrugging off the dream
she settles back down
upon her bed.
She knows
that no matter how bad life gets,
she'd never end it herself.
Before sleep overcomes her
once again,
she whispers,
'I've beaten you.'
beautiful. so beautiful that i am speechless. i really loved this poem. keep it up, i mean it:)
Dear Cathy,
How many times have I found myself thinking the same things, too many to count!!! But I always felt I'd be cheating myself out of something. I always chickened out on the "easy way out". There are times, yes, but I put my life in God's hands a long time ago. His will shall be done.
Thank you for writing a poem that I am sure has passed through many lupies minds....I hope most stayed strong!!
Love, sheila