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Untitled -- 12.5.2006
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self hate it seems i'm stopping myself
from being who i want to be
it seems like every time i look i nthe mirror
i'm turning away from me
and i just don't get
it's small- so why do i sweat it?
if i could relax into peace
and in the chaos learn to breathe
oh i just want to settle down
i just want to clown aroun
i just want to be fit
but in this body i'm outta place
- a total mistfit
and i don't know how to follow these teaching
i'm so hyporcritail, and can't stop preaching
to every person wiser then me
why can't that part of me stop and cease to be?
i just don't get this confusion
though i know it so well
try not to stifle the delushion
but then again what the hell
whoa. i diffentaily wasn't writting about being overweight. at frist i i had no idea how you came up with that, then i read the poem! lol. people's perspectives always tint there interpritations, and are always interesting.
my useage of the lines 'it seems like every time i look in the mirror' and "i just want to be fit
but in this body i'm outta place
- a total mistfit" are metaphorical ones. by ;look in the mirror' i mean an elevaluation of my self, behavoirs actions attitudes, emotions thoughts and choices.
by " i just want to be fit" i mean 'in place' appropreate, ya know? like fit for a job postiton, competant. having some thing be how it's supposed to and meant to be. in th eline after i used the word 'body' to describe a being. people go through so many transformations of Self in their lives. so where i'm at isn't what i'd like to be. that's why 'this body' is a 'total misfit'. it's 'outta place' because it's not what it should be. as a person i right now don't feel like i am what i'm meant to be.
i'm actualy nuts about veggies. and fish. i eat really healthily, and find the study of nutrition fasanting.
i think for the most part in a general sense the rest of what you said was right and accerate.
"you are hiding behind your confusion and depression, using it as an excuse not to understand the situations that are really bothering you " that actuals pin points what my unfinished poem is about. i really enjoyed the assment and your veiws, thank you so much for taking th etime out of your day to respond to that! :)
Haha, well I'm so sorry! Glad you got something out of my critique but haha I was way off.
it seems i'm stopping myself
from being who i want to be
Why the line break?
and in the chaos learn to breathe
What chaos?
i'm so hyporcritail, and can't stop preaching
How so?
It feels like you're writing about being overweight. My only advice there is to take a serious look at what you're eating (vegetables > everything when you're trying to lose weight), and examine your depression more seriously. You're putting in labels like Chaos, and Confusion, when you have a more specific idea of what they mean, and what your problems are, and in fact, you are hiding behind your confusion and depression, using it as an excuse not to understand the situations that are really bothering you in your personal life.
Just my advice. My mother has a weight and depression issue, so that's where I'm coming from.