It is a nice haiku, depicting, as I think, both the sensation of loneliness and solitude.
The word "loneliness" echoes the word "alone" in the first verse and in the title, suggesting that the weight of your solitude is too heavy to bear. Yet, you're not really alone because of the word "us" but the other person shares your feelings.
The alliteration (repetition of the sound-s-) in the second verse makes me think a hissing snake. It's like forcing out the breath between your tongue and teeth when you read the line slowly, which underlines the word "fear", ending the first verse, very well.
I don't think I'm mistaken using the image of a snake, because the verb "grip" that you used means "to hold firmly or to seize" but it also means " to render motionless, as with a fixed stare or by arousing terror or awe.
You were right to write this haiku and I hope you will write many others. As I read your work, I see a lot of sadness, especially in the choice of your titles (alone, death of a soldier, dying in my mind, hurting).
I'm ashamed to confess that it's a real pleasure to read this sadness, because it is well written and a source of inspiration.
It is a nice haiku, depicting, as I think, both the sensation of loneliness and solitude.
The word "loneliness" echoes the word "alone" in the first verse and in the title, suggesting that the weight of your solitude is too heavy to bear. Yet, you're not really alone because of the word "us" but the other person shares your feelings.
The alliteration (repetition of the sound-s-) in the second verse makes me think a hissing snake. It's like forcing out the breath between your tongue and teeth when you read the line slowly, which underlines the word "fear", ending the first verse, very well.
I don't think I'm mistaken using the image of a snake, because the verb "grip" that you used means "to hold firmly or to seize" but it also means " to render motionless, as with a fixed stare or by arousing terror or awe.
You were right to write this haiku and I hope you will write many others. As I read your work, I see a lot of sadness, especially in the choice of your titles (alone, death of a soldier, dying in my mind, hurting).
I'm ashamed to confess that it's a real pleasure to read this sadness, because it is well written and a source of inspiration.