PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

8:50pm, Tuesday, February 08, 2005, Lagos... again!



It was to be different this time. I had planned it so. Searching the Trading Post for days, looking for an affordable digital multi-track recording device, I'd decided that during this trip my free time would be dedicated largely to creativity - not drinking. I gathered all necessary ingredients - electric guitar, two microphones, drum machine, guitar effects processor, cables and accessories - and carefully packed them into the guitar case. The digital 8-track I eventually decided to buy came with it's own hard case. This time I was actually looking forward to it... another three months in the pits of hell - Lagos.



---> POP THE FIRST DREAM-BUBBLE! <---



Actors: Asshole Clerk at the Emirates check-in desk (AC);

Billy Boarster the weary traveller (BB).



AC: Umm... you are way over the weight limit for your luggage. Your suitcase alone goes over the limit. In fact, I'll need you to remove some items from it because our OH&S policy restricts any piece to a maximum of 32kgs. (gives a routine 'concerned yet empathetic' look to BB) Is there anything in the suitcase that you can... err... do without? You can either store it in a locker, or we can dispose of it here at the check-in desk. (shrugs as if to say 'only doing my job mate')



BB: What!? Last time I travelled they only checked the number of pieces, not weight! What are you saying? I can't bring these? (points at guitar & multi-track cases)



AC: Well... it's up to you. The rate of excess luggage is $45 per kilo, and you are... 22kg over... so it'll cost you over $1000 when you count the excess luggage handling fee. And you still have to bring the suitcase down to 32kgs. (shrugs again) Sorry... but it's airline policy to stick to weight restrictions for safety reasons.



BB: Yeah, yeah, I know... just that the last airline I flew with allowed me to travel with over 60kgs without charge... they just counted the pieces and charged a set fee for any extra pieces. I guess I should be more careful when choosing airline next time I book a flight with my travel agent.



AC: So what would you like to do? You can go over to that desk over there (points to a nearby ghost-town of a desk which is run by some company that offers 'cheaper' rates for sending excess luggage around the globe) and check what rates they have, then come straight back... you won't have to wait in line again.



BB: Ok then... what choice do I have?



(BB pushes his luggage trolley over to the aforementioned desk and enquires about the price of sending his excess luggage to Lagos, Nigeria, only to find that when they include their 'handling' fee, it is still too much for his wallet to handle. BB, now beginning to lose his cool, stomps back with his trolley to the same clerk and waits for the clerk's current customers to finish up.)



AC: Next please! Ah... you.. how'd you go?



BB: Pretty fucked actually. I don't have enough funds to send my shit over at this very moment so I'm pretty fucken pissed off!



AC: So have you decided what you want to do?



BB: Well... I guess I'll just have a very fucking boring time in Nigeria now, won't I?



AC: Err...?



BB: Don't worry... my sister is here at the airport and she'll take the extra pieces home for me. I'll call her now... just check me in ok. Are there any seats available in the very last row? Preferrably an isle seat...



*     *     *



Sunday, February 20, 2005



11:33pm



So... there was another dream bubble that was burst upon arrival, wasn't there? Oh yes... my accommodation. Last trip I spent the majority of my residence inside the "Paradise" guest house. This is an intended temporary residence for those expats who visit Lagos for a very short time. Err... I could bitch about this 'guest house' for ages but right now I can't be fucked... let's just cut to the chase and say that I was promised a fully furnished apartment this trip, yet when I arrived I was thrown straight back in to "Paradise".