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06-01-05



What a fucking ordeal!!! It is now 3:44pm, at Los Angeles airport, where I have just sat down to calm down with a cool pint of Samuel Adams, after spending over two hours picking up my luggage, going through customs, getting fingerprinted, photo snapped, continually asked casual questions about my occupation, destination, originating point etc. by every fucking airport official I walked past, then lining up again just to put my luggage through to the connecting flight to Fiji! I mean c'mon! I'm in fucking transit here!!! I have flown around over four continents and never have I come across such unnecessary and pedantic checks just to swap planes! I guess I know now why I've never set foot in this country earlier... instinct must have told me to keep the fuck away.



Ok, so I lied in the last diary. I did comment that I was just coming down off a very bad NYE. At least I don't dwell on my self-pity. Usually doesn't last longer than 48 hours. Besides, I was given a confirmation that I have at least one reader. Perhaps a bit quiet lately but she spoke up as soon as she heard I was gonna pull the plug on the diaries. ;o) Right C?



My connecting flight doesn't leave until 10:30pm this evening, so I guess I really should be doing the touristy thing by hopping on a quick Hollywood tour bus and whipping out the video cam. Seeing as I went through all that customs bullshit it means I can fuck off from the airport - the only downer to being in transit in most other places where you don't have that ability. But after what I just went through I know which I prefer.

But I really can't be fucked. It would probably be as exciting as that touristy bus tour I took in London, and knowing my luck I'd probably get mugged and miss my flight. I spotted the Hollywood sign up on the hills when the plane landed, so I figure I've already seen 50% of what this American metroplis has to offer. Even the flight attendant said I wasn't missing much by going straight on through to Fiji.



"Zee peeple here aar verry plaastic" he told me, in his thick Dutch accent. I flew with KLM. A bit of a disappointment really, seeing I got one of those ancient jumbo jets that have yet to install the personal tv/gaming screens for economy class. Still, it was the first time ever, in my entire life, that I got the window seat in the first row, with ample space to stretch my legs, and not having to worry about inconsiderate bastards folding down their seats to maximum tilt, for the entire flight - except when told to raise them by the stewardesses for take off, landing and meals (yes, this seems to happen to me every fucking flight). On my flight from Lagos to Dubai, I had one of these bitches in front of me, and behind me I had another bitch constantly going in and out of her oversized handbag on the floor, constantly bumping my seat, and to the side of me a big mother fucker kept hogging the arm rest and elbowing me. I don't care at what angle you look at it - there is absolutely no glamour in travelling around internationally via economy tickets. The closest I've gotten to business/first class was today, when I stood in my front aisle after the plane had landed, admiring the perfect view I had of the business class cabin; with their wine glasses, bed-seats, personal tv/work stations, and constant pampering by the one-steward-for-every-five-passenger ratio.



4:10pm... still over six hours before my plane leaves. I can tell I'm gonna get shit faced if i stay in this bar for the entire wait. Then I'll DEFINATELY miss the flight! They just won't let me on!



I am so fucking tired... Haven't had any proper sleep since I woke up around 2pm on Wednesday. Keep in mind that I've shifted about ten hours in time zones as well, so by my body clock it is really 2am on Friday. I wish they had those vend-a-bed pods here, like I've seen on TV that they have in Japan. Hop in, set the alarm, and get the best travel sleep I've ever had. Just can't fucking sleep on planes, dunno why. I nod off for about five minutes, then something jolts me back to consciousness. When I "wake" up I wishfully think that I've had a decent sleep... until I realise that I've only missed one or two songs on my mp3 player (Oooh yeah... Billy Boar purchased a 20gig iPod in Dubai - no more dragging around of bulky CD players and even bulkier CD collections. Now I've shrunk the lot into my shirt pocket! :oD).



That's another fucked up thing about travelling like this - the time shifts, especially when you cross the international dateline. How's this: you leave at 10:30pm Thursday from Los Angeles, travelling to Nadi in Fiji, a trip that only takes about eight hours, but you arrive in Nadi around 5:15am on Saturday! Then if you took the same trip in reverse - leaving Nadi at 10:30pm on a Thursday - you'd arrive at Los Angeles around 1:15pm that same day, going back in time about nine hours!



It really boggles the mind sometimes. I've decided I must go on a holiday in Tonga one day, just so I get that pleasure of gaining a day. I knew a guy who celebrated his birthday twice by going to Tonga (leaving from Australia of course).



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Apparently they open the Air Pacific gate at 5:30pm "for our convenience". I've never really considered checking in five hours early as "convenient", but hey, that's just me. I prefer rocking up in the last minute and just marching on straight to the plane. I fucking hate sitting around in lounges. Bars like this are ok, provided you are either with a beautiful woman, or can preoccupy yourself with meaningless observations writing laptop dairies like me. I would much more prefer the former. Besides, I only have two hours and eighteen minutes of battery life left, and still six hours left before my flight. What to do, what to do... I wish I'd caught up with that pretty ex-German circus trainer woman, now living in Hawaii, who I briefly met on the plane.



"So... what do you do?"



"Oh, I'm a circus trainer, mainly teaching juggling acts for a circus group in Hawaii, where I've lived for the past five years. What about you?"



"Err... I install telephone exchanges in dumps like Lagos." How fucking exotic. She didn't know how long she had to wait for her connecting flight to Hawaii... but I doubt she was keen on sharing a drink with me while she waited! :op



Ok... just discovered one good thing that LA airport has - wireless internet! Signing up to Boingo right now... hopefully I'll have a response in my mailbox regarding my bus pick-up in Nadi. I just love leaving everything to the last minute.