PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

1:45am 2nd Jan, 2005



Not quite four months... but enough. I've had enough. There is a burning rage inside of me... an unrelenting anger that won't be appeased until I return home. The more you expect the more you will become disappointed. I thought I learned that long ago, but it seems I am still as stupid as I ever was. Then inject the sadness... the despair. Could it be the lack of atmosphere? Considering the recent Asian crisis? Or is it that I'm just stuck in another country, another culture, another time in space? Is it the lack of true friends? Or the loneliness imposed by lack of true love? Just when you think you have a grasp on life's meaning, it slips through your fingers and you're as lost as you ever were.



Here come the tears... the cavalcade. The salty reminders of your emptiness. And then... the ashes rise! My fucking Phoenix lives! I trample the absurdity threatening my sanity. I trample the little sympathy I have for others. I trample anything blocking my path to bliss. I trample...



So the tears have dried... the pain has dissipated. All the dials are pointing in the right direction, once again. The eternal facade is reborn. Inside I am dying.



But now, I'm also dying on the outside. The decay is in totality. I have no regenerating remedies at hand.



I want to sleep. I want to sleep for a very long time...



I want to sing!





Lying through my teeth again... self destructing one bullet at a time.



I think I have pushed beyond the admissible threshold. Once again... the point of no return.



Why am I writing these diaries? Oh yeah, I know why. But why am I posting them on the internet? I don't think it has much relevance anymore... is anybody even reading? Or does anybody even give a fuck? I don't think so. This is where my "diaries" will end. For your eyes anyway. I will always keep writing them for another purpose, but you need not know about that right now. All "you" need to know is...



Good bye!