Journey Through the Snow Part 2 - My Search for You

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With silent slumber night approaches.

I stop walking amidst the white dust suddenly to see the moon appear despondent once more.

"It's hopeless," are words forever echoing within my mind but saying something to you is what I desire.

Looking up I smile sweetly ignoring the moon's melodious sorrow.

Pining, I watch the light snow dreamily sway in the wind.

I pick up memories from my pocket and remember me and you.

Please, wherever you are, know this.

Swelling within me are words that once you'll hear will heal my aching body.

"I'm sorry."

Yet no matter how many times I say it these words end as an oblivious nothing.

Even if I shout it drifts away from you.

My intermittent heart filled with hope and healing undoubtedly turns hurtful again.

The snow continues falling.

I walk on.

Now and then as I continue searching, gentle moonlight reflects my flowing eyes.

With every soft, warm pearl I make, wherever I go, each trickle will always turn frozen.

Author's Notes/Comments:

Let me begin my saying that this person, to whom I'll call 'Moon,' is someone who was, in my opinion, a significant person in my life. You could say that this person was the first person who was a good friend to me. The first person who was truly kind. It was a long time ago, around the fifth grade, I was a little kid who met up with this person. You see, a long time ago there were things in my life that made me "ugly" and in the end, I began hating myself. A downward negative spiral was all I could ever understand until I met up with this one person. You could say that this was the very first real friend I made. You see, I learned that there are things about us humans that we hate, that we despise about ourselves. It could be that you may be really obese or that you're not physically proportional with your body or that you're ashamed of something that happened or whatever it is, we begin to hate ourselves for it. But it's when someone says "I like you, I want to talk to you, I want to hang out with you, I see all these bad qualities about you but that doesn't matter to me" �� it's when someone says things like that that make us hate ourselves less and less and gradually we start to accept ourselves both good and bad. This person who does, says, or gestures these messages to you could be friends, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, relatives, significant others, boyfriends, girlfriends, or even strangers. We begin to respect who we are. This person was the first person to really do all those things. This person, although things ended up really bad between us in the end because of certain circumstances, this person doesn't know that even today, I still value this person. I don't blame this person nor do I hate this person (but unfortunately this person doesn't know that). On the contrary, I forgave myself a long time ago and I regretfully didn't say something that I've always wanted to say to 'Moon.' This poem describes the biggest portion of my life as well as the biggest battle I've been fighting inside me whenever I thought about this one person. Although it's tragic that this person doesn't know that I want to resolve things between us, I wonder if this person will ever learn the truth about my side of the story because I've never seen this person again after way too long. So sad huh? This poem goes to you, old friend. You don't know where I am or what I've been thinking, but this poem speaks the truth about it all. There were two words I've been meaning to say but I can never say it. Hopefully, I pray that one day, wherever you are, you can at least hear some of the things I never had the chance to tell you...