Backwards

Folder: 
2002

It's backwards how then is now

Like it was at first

Welts so fresh

Upon my flesh and lips

All the time inbetween this blur

Where I just didn't feel anything

About you or it or anyone

Who mattered

I just wanted to sink away

And pretend that I liked

The darkness of my thoughts

Where I could beat myself up

And no one would stop it

I think I see you

Spinning through the crowds

At every footstep

A memory

That I thought I had forgotten

Now I'm thinking

About you

And I have to

Because if I don't

This wave will drown

The struggling swimmer

Each gulp of water I sip down

Brings me one step closer

To feeling bottom

Where it isn't backwards

Anymore

And it isn't silly

That it hurts now

And just didn't then

Author's Notes/Comments: 

Funny how people lock away these floods of emotion only to be blindsighted by them eons later.

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Britt's picture

This expresses exactly what I'm feeling right now as well - why was it ok then but not anymore? Remember, we can always support eachother!

Mat's picture

it is, isn't it? you think they're gone but then something, anything, brings it back. though sometimes it's easier do deal with later