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The man with the broom.

Sitting in the coffee house drinking my morning coffee, I looked out of the window. The road sweeper caught my eye. How in hell did the council expect the man to sweep the road? The traffic was non-stop as fast as one car or lorry left another pulled in and took its place.

I know that I should not have interfered but the man did not have a chance. I went out and called him in to have a drink of coffee at my expense. He came into the coffee shop and I ordered two more fresh coffees. I asked him how he managed to sweep the roads with the continual flow of traffic. Smiling a smile at me he asked me if I wanted a job sweeping the roads. Yes this man was the boss of all the council’s road sweepers. I was now very curious and decided to apply for the job of road sweeper.

After two cups of coffee I was now officially a Council road sweeper. On the morrow I was to be at the council yard to receive my broom. I would go with another road sweeper to be shown what to do and what section of the roads was mine to keep clean. These were my instructions; Keep a sharp lookout for traffic, especially traffic that was trying to find a parking place. Whatever I do, do not make the mistake of trying to help one of these parkers. They are the ones that forget you as soon as they get a space big enough to park the car and then go off for the day.

Apart from this all kinds of tins bottles and paper is always to be found on the roads. If you push it under one of the parked cars or lorries make sure that it cannot be seen by any of the Council Inspectors. They have eyes like hawks and can spot rubbish; that is hidden rubbish, a mile away. Anything you find just leave it where it is if an inspector comes along just complain that you have so many roads to keep clean that you have not had time to do this road not yet anyway.

In this area of town there are many dogs, do not even try to keep the dogs excrement down the night shift goes out at ten o’clock they can make a much better job of cleaning up the dog shit than you can so let them get on with it. Whatever you do keep your temper down; you will find old men and women who throw everything away on the roads or pavements. If you see one doing it, either walk away from them or go into the nearest shop you do not have to buy anything just ask what the time is. People will always tell you the time; it is an ingrained habit that no one thinks twice about.

Would you like another coffee? It is free for us road sweepers just sweep the front of the café once or twice a week. We always need road sweepers especially in wintertime when the weather is cold and miserable. By the way what did you say your name is? Strange name Bern the scribbler what did you do for a living before you asked me in for a cup of coffee?  You know if you write about us road sweepers I will deny ever having seen you and about that job tomorrow do not bother to come to the council yard in the morning there are no jobs going at least not at the moment.