PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

The sun had exploded, the little light at the center of my world was gone, and I was empty and helpless again. Thoughts flashing behind me eyes screamed for help, and still my lips remained motionless. Silent as always, dwelling on my desires, I was lost to the world to find nothing for resolve. I was and forever will be the antagonist of my own story, the scarecrow of myself, and I am very, very alone.

I needed a change, I needed to feel excitement and hope again. I needed companionship and love but I could no longer remember how to return the feeling, I was jaded to the idea. Time after time I tried to connect and over and over again I thought of those days with that someone the same way I thought of those days alone, but there was something I was learning.... Loyalty. Finally a loophole in the contract! Finally I had discovered that I had emotion through the other! If I could make them happy I was happy and if they hated I hated too.

There it was, the object of my desires, my little destroyer of worlds, and she sat before me with mocking amusement at the state of my being. Thousands of insecurity stemmed questions surfaced, the air thick with my word. Her answers were fraudulent at best, yet believable in a sense. This person, this being in front of me had the most irritating habit of rewriting my realities. I shudder at my gullibility when looking back now, but this isn't a story of here and now, this is a story of then and how.

My charming little x-factor, she ripped me apart and I loved her for it. She would push me off the edge and condemn me for losing grip. I was damned in this place, and knew it but chose to stay. Years turned to twilight and I held certain I was fine. Only now does this register as madness to me. I had gone insane once, or am now, whichever is perceived I suppose.

Tick- tock, the blissful clock, nothing but time to repeat. The hands seemed almost frozen,
The cuckoo had forgotten to speak. Waiting was my life now, staying observant, watching the world. That was my everything, beautiful and complete. I was happy in this depression, everything droned together like the quietest of orchestras. Any problem was conquerable because none existed in my mind. I knew what I was waiting for although I did not expect an outcome. I was waiting on the one, the alpha and omega for my reason for life. My beginning and end. I was waiting on love.

I could almost taste it; sweet, warm, and deserved. It was the peak of my frustration and the core of my comfort. Try as I might I found nothing but that little taste. A little piece of me and a little piece of you is still just a piece of us, and in the end that little piece wouldn't be enough to satisfy the hunger I felt. It was like winning the lottery and being unable to cash the check. I needed to dive, knees straight and head down into the heart of another. I needed to feel their heart beat around me, encompassing me completely, warming me with the flow of their being. It was the worst drug I've ever been addicted to, and it was the highest I've ever been.