PostPoems Be Artistic. Be Creative. Be Inspired!

Alright so where was I? Ok so I didn't leave, it hurt me to see him in so much pain and no way did I want my sons father to die, Gregory deserved his father. So I stayed and I tried, cried and continued toward making our lives better, by August Adam had gotten accepted into school (to go back and get his high school) So I went and found a job, somewhere with flexable hours (McDicks) availablity was mon-fri 5pm-1am and weekend morings or over nights. He didn't even last a month, it was to far, to early, he was to lazy and he stayed up to late playing video games. So he applied at my work (we figured it would be the easiest, it was close to home, easier work schedule, avoid paying daycare/couldn't afford it, as well as we didnt know as much then and now I find out everything I can). Alright so then he asked me to be his refernce and like legit my boss asked my opinion and for one of very few times I lied, said he would be good and that he was reliable when I had just watched him fuck off on school. But hey I thought he needs this job as much as I do itll be ok(he ended up fired for cursing at work) went and got a job at a different Mcdicks and did ok there I suppose.. we were lucky if I made $500 working 80+ hours every two weeks, Mcdonalds deducts 50 min from and 8 or 7 hour work day, half hour for lunch and a 20 min second break. There were times they would try to only schedule me from 8pm-12am and schedule part times for 8 hours, and god fuckin damn it I needed the money. I wasn't just trying to make money, I didn't get to use my money for fun, I needed it to take care of my son I needed it for rent for bills, for grocoeries, baby food, diapers, wipes, milk for my son (LOTS), and many other things and they were giving hours I needed to someone who didnt. Alright so I jumped ahead a little by Nov I had gotten pregnant again, didn't plan it and most certainly I was not ready for two, but that was it, I would figure it out, we would be ok. I continued to try and make it work with adam, as I drifted away from loving him, how tired I was of him not being that man that he should be, the father he should be, the partner he should have been the one I had needed so despretely for him to grow up and be.

 ARE YOU MY ONE

Everyday I work my hardest, to earn more
No matter the pain, no matter how sore
I do it all, just to get ahead
But everyday it seems I fall more behind instead
He does not do what he should 
He doesn't even do what he could
My dreams are important, I want more than this
I don't want my dreams to be another thing that I miss
I'm tired of the hurting and the pain
Yet somehow I still remain
Feels like I'm the one who wants more
And he just settles and ignores
If he doesn't change, I will have to leave
Because there are things in life I wish to achieve
I want a good life for my family, something great
Something we will all love and not hate

So this is one of the poems I wrote during this time, there are also a lot more, the easiest time to write it about the sadness and I don't know who said it or who said it to me, but I was to busy being happy when I was happy, and while thats not completely true it is certainly a part of it. But in truth the words don't come as easy on paper and nothing seems enough to describe some of those moments infact writing about my children is a struggle being nothing seem strong enough to describe how much I love them and that even when life is hard and partly its how they have been acting sometimes, I still can never even imagine my life without them and I never could. 

Ok back to this so.... Break time enough bullshit thoughts for now time to get some work done!