In my heart there is a vision
Of what used to be a man
In my soul there is a fortress
Taking its last stand
In my tears I hear your laughter
In my mind I see you running
In my dreams I feel you smiling
Looking back I see you’re stunning
In my life there’s shattered dreams
Of a love I tossed aside
In my memories there’s a typo
Whited out by pride
In my past there’s a person
Whose life is full of lies
In my future there’s a lover
Who lets you go and dies
In my story there's one thing
That grabs the reader’s eye
On the page there’s a girlfriend
And when they read her they cry
And I wonder why I loved her
And never tried to try
I wonder how I held her
And never held her dear
I wonder why I dropped her
Yet held onto her fear
Hmm... not bad
I like the flow and the imagery you use, ash
I really like the lines "In my memories there's a typo/Whited out by pride"
For some reason tho, you seem to vary the length of the lines, and it really doesn't work out all that good.
Overall, tho, it's really good!
Reuben
I ike the style in this poem, very good, nice wording in parts good job you are killin me here!!!
Nikki
Nicole.J.Burgesss
This is a really cool poem, and i love the style you used to write this...lol, i couldn't help but laugh at the line, "In my memories there’s a typo" just for the typo part ^_^; that was cute....but other than that i really thought the poem was wonderful-- and thank you for writing on my own work. Hope to read more from you soon
Dee