"Realization"

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Alana Cheng

♥ “Realization” ♥
(Written By: Alana Cheng)

I’ve never been given the chance to express myself fully until now, as my heart had gone unrecognized of all the words that were longing to be said from the tip of my tongue. I never thought there’d come a day when life would evolve in the ways that I’ve never realized would ever cease to amaze me, and to find the kind of joy elsewhere, I just had to do it.

Jumping the shark, from which I was standing on shaky ground. I just couldn’t stay any longer, to breathe the same air of wanting some attention, some freedom, and some recognition of being alive to scream it all out into the air. The realization that I was as depressed as the next person, as no eyes of the people around me would happen to see, as they would only be consumed in having to tell me what and who I should be. I was so sick of playing pretend to make the world happy without the realization that I was dying on the inside out, the ignorance of what’s been captured as the invisible sign of chaos that was going on inside my head. No one to understand me at the slightest, as to those who thought they did, but never got a chance to see me, as I had opened myself up to everyone.

The pain to which I’ve never realized, even for myself, the ignorance of my own heavenly bliss, of trying not to see it all for what it was all worth. My depression was only going to consume me and swallow me whole. The breaking scene of my own heartbreak, coming from the depths of somewhere. Nobody ever happened to glance over to see if I was broken, even for a little bit as all my pieces of a broken heart, was suddenly, completely shattered. Coming to grips of my own saving of my own life was beginning to appear as an epic fail of misery. No realization of any kind, whatsoever.

Living through the pain of it, I finally see it. The greatness, the sadness, the recognition of my own self to reflect upon the moments of time. Healing can only begin now from here on out by my own realization of seeing the freedom that has now appeared to me out of thin air with good enough time.