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Confined to my room.

a relapse. It happened all to soon.

Not knowing how to cope.

Pills i washed down my throat.

Left me bleeding. Coughing and weezing.

On my floor in the midst of the night.

Its my birthday. well it was.

I got so intoxicated my plans shattered on the floor.

along with myself. Trying to get myself together.

I lay in my own filth wishing I could rewind go back to the start.

where things wernt so distant and falling apart.

What do I say when I am in the midst of dying.

lying detoxing this posion alone.

affraid and definitly far from sight.

the chemicals took flight.

insanity came with it.

up all night. no sleep.

nothing to eat. lay in one spot.

as if my whole world dropped.

I am a failure.

This is exactly what I didnt want.

I lost my friends over this.

nothing more than a forget me not.

I said I was sorry.

but really I am not sorry.

I was enabled. after being unstable.

witch I took these drugs with no sense of alarm.

I am sorry friend. 

but this is a gap I cannot close.

I tried to avoid this.

but the lack of an answer or questions

left me unsettled.

pill after pill.

yeah, I know the drill.

Ive lost it.

you were there.

and left me here.

Nothing but a blank stare.

I am not fine.

things are not calm.

I will be alright.

but where is my head

after these pills almost took me in the middle of the night?

anger insights. I lash out.

becuase I just want the comfort that I would of been alright.

this is 4 days ago. yet in another lifetime.

coke. ecstacy. weed. adderoll. alcahol.

we were in over our heads.

I should went to detox. 

but I couldnt deal with the guilt.

With my own blood I spilt.

its over friend.

I cant just let this go.

It tore me apart the days you were out living still.

the hel that was my head has conqured my life.

took me capyive as I lay in my pertual waste of negative thoughts.

I needed a hand. I needed guidance.

after all we were there together.

IT wont happen again.

so I cant hang around you again.

I had a problem.

you have a problem.

The girl was the downfall of us all.

now were apart.

no fresh start. 

I guess I am selfish.

trying to salvage this.

but I cant salvage what was.

If we cant even focus on what is.

were no longer kids.

I am sorry friend.

but I cant be around the drugs no more.

this leaves me open sores.

In my heart. becuase my world has fallen apart.

over one night. My night. my celibration.

well happy twenty one.

I am now celibrating it with no one.