Author Information
Sub Conscious bullying.
Sometimes I question why I am living.
I seem to just suffer and suffer without it ever giving.
No great attachments or achievements just myself alone
stripped of everything nothing but skin and bone.
when will life let me be at ease
instead of shredding my emotions like a tease
I get a sample of something before it disappears
I feel so gritty and sandy and just old and worn
no amount of bleach or string could fix my track record
without drinking a lethal dose or strangling me by my neck
so I let them show as broken as I can be
as washed up and useless as one can see
its all a game of chance and my head got dealt a terrible hand
no luck or fate just me wanting to retaliate at walls and mirrors
and this is when addiction appears
its safe to say I cant manage my emotions
let alone understand what is good or bad
only thing I really can distinguish is hurt and pain
anger resides in me as I lashed out
I took out my issues in my head at the workplace
leaving me without either. I wish I could say I was done
and I just don't care but the lies just cripple my hands
as I clutch them to fists inflicting wounds and holes
on what I see fits Its not the people or places I cant deal with
its my head and mind destroying whatever i try to make sense of.
I feel unstable and mentally ill as I just have rage like fever with a lust for destroying
I cannot control me or myself someone do it for me
I am so chaotic and unstable I wish I could just keep a balance
of feeling satisfied and content. anger and pain
not a lethal dose of anger and a mind altering amount of satisfaction
where I break everything that made me content
and I just lie awake in pain.
its not the personal or emotional connections
its me alone that drives me mad and into a diluted state.
my head is my worst enemy for it never lets me feel satisfied
so I just stay a constant victim to my sub conscious bullying.
I cant ever have a bad dream. when the nightmare is me.
