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believe in yourself
I live in a house hold that is crumbling because the people inside it are taring itself apart. I got my mom emotionally depending on me an unloading her emotional baggage on me everyday because her and my step dad are getting a divorce. Somehow in this fucked up scenario of trying to help others and stay neutral I become the target of this firestorm. I'm told to leave every single day. I've had to stop numerous suicide attempts by my mom. I am so happy and upbeat at my Shit end job because Taco bell is a 30 hour a week vacation from my home life. I keep my head up high everyday regardless the bullshit I face. I do my best every day to try and do what's right and not fall into depression from the death grip negativity has around me. My family straight up destroyed itself on both sides. Still i fight even tho i have absolutely no answers on how to make things better. Or find a way to make my mom smile. I see pain and suffering every single day. And honestly. Nothing bothers me anymore. When i get thru this I'll be the most emotionally strong person on the face of this earth. I may be 22. Lost many of my material possessions. None of that Shit matters. Everything outside of yourself is a luxury. I'm thankful for the things I do have. I try not to speak of my issues. Yet maybe someone can find some form of inspiration out of this. Or maybe a family member will try to get a hold of my mom before she packs her bags again. This is a message of inner strength. Motivation and inspiration. No matter eBay bullshit you face don't give up on yourself or your dreams. Always find the light and the positive side of life. The negativity can consume someone. Hate can be a very addictive emotion. It's hard to love unconditionally. It's easier to be vindictive and destroy someone including yourself. Maybe. Just maybe if your patient enough the good you try to put into this world will come back around. No matter how tired. How sore. Keep pushing on and eventually you will achieve what you worked so diligently to try to do. From music. To skateboarding. To financial success. To art. To life. Put 100% of your heart into it and think positivity. I love you Mom. I hope this destructive storm one day fades away and I can see you smile again. This world is cold. Many nights i spent telling myself I was I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to give up everything. I've had suicidal thoughts and attempts. Yet that one moment of easy effortless happiness makes all the pain you endured your entire life worth fighting through. I can make a difference and so can you. It's never to late to live your dreams. Just keep fighting. Keep being kind and loving. Keep shining bright for everything you believe in. One day it may all come back to you when you least expect it. Use your time wisely. Focus on controlling your emotions and ridding yourself of fear, anger, guilt, depression, hatred, AND filling yourself full of love and gratitude. The world can be beautiful if you decide it to be. I wish everyone a good night and may everyone go to sleep with peaceful thoughts and wake up refreshed. Never give up. Life is too short and has too many possibilities to not try and do your best at every waking moment.
