#goodmorningvietname #goodmorninghonduras #militaryindustrialcomplex

GOOD MORNING, HONDURAS

 

Good morning, Honduras!  Now ladies and gentlemen welcome to Honduras; the latest in a long line of third world countries to be screwed over by imperialist capitalists of the Military Industrial Complex.  Honduras, a small little country somewhere—Umm, now where the Hell is it?  Oh yeah, it always comes to me.  It’s a small place in Central America next to Nicaragua.  Nicaragua, that country where we have to fight the Sandanistas—and no that’s not a beautiful, sprawling mess perpetrated by Joe Strummer.  It borders British Honduras a.k.a. Belize.  

 

So what does this have to do with Honduras?  Let us introduce a very special man who might shed some light on this.  Let’s welcome the man who brought us El Salvador!  Grenada!  Libya!  Lebanon!  Here’s Uncle Ronnie!

 

Now, Uncle Ronnie, can you explain to us why the U.S. of A. has sent troops to Honduras?

 

Uncle Ronnie:  “Well, you know, that’s really an allegorical question.  You’re asking if we sent troops to Honduras and the answer is yes.  You’re also asking why?  Well, I’ll have to consult my lawyers—I mean advisors before I answer that.  But you know, we really wouldn’t do anything if it wasn’t justified by Jesus.

 

Thank you, Ronnie.  We’ve heard enough.  A tree hugging hippie like Jesus wants us to bomb the shit out of brown people.  Great to have such a man.  Guess we’re gonna have a lot of Honduran wives.  Remember Vietnam?  Everyone brought home a Vietnamese wife—or at least concubine.  Now everyone can find a Honduran honey.

 

Well, since all the white women are going with black guys that have big dicks and the black women can’t be satisfied with shorty.  We gotta go and steal someone else’s women.  Sounds fair to me.

 

So redneck America has thrown its support behind Uncle Ronnie.  Yayyyy!!  Get ready for the bloodshed.  It’s always going to happen.  Big corporations need lucrative defense contracts so we have to bomb someone. . .

 

 

 

 

 

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I wrote this one back in early 1988.  It was around the time troops were ordered into Honduras.  It was meant to be a spoof on Robin Williams performance in the movie Good Morning, Vietnam.  I did very little editing on this piece.  I wanted to capture whatever mood I was going for when I originally wrote it.  I was 21 at the time and probably more obsessed with getting Dead tickets but the humor was always working overtime.

View georgeschaefer's Full Portfolio