# death # morning # grieving # loss

Untitled 4/22/2019

It's been one week today
Yet it feels like only hours have passed
At night I lay awake
Arm outstretched on your side of the bed

I dread and welcome the moments of loneliness
The tears that fall and soak into my shirt
Sometimes I can't breathe
And all I can do is clench my teeth

Every drive reminds me of you
All the songs you would sing seem to play one after another
And I envy the elderly couples I see
Because we were suppose to grow old together

Every piece of this heart you fixed
Now barely holds it shape
It's all crumbling before me
And I'm barely holding on

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The Promise of the Darkness

Teetering on the edge of life

and staring into the abyss below,

and nothing but a promise of darkness

and nothing here but woe,

 

A grave yet unfilled, empty,

waiting to be claimed,

where there is no rot,

yet.

 

But when the sun sets,

and the day turns to night,

then you shall know what

it means to truly fright.

 

Because, All things must come to an end;

and no man can withstand what time will bring;

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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3 A.M

At 3 A.M one might get a call that they assumed they’d be prepared for

 

They were wrong.

 

At 3 A.M one might find themselves sitting in a hospital feeling something strong.

 

They assume it to be grief but it’s not like any emotion they’ve felt before.

 

It’s so strong that it makes them end up feeling empty for a long time.

 

They knew they’d loose them eventually, but they only thought it’d be “the future”

 

One might forget the future is always certain to become the present at the most surprising of times.

Author's Notes/Comments: 

I recentally lost my dad from an annuerism due to a life with cancer.

Being called to the hospital is the most vivid memory I will ever have

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we all will die

Folder: 
poems 1

We don't know how long

We have on earth

We all will die

We all will die

So make your life a good 

Memory and touch as many

Life's has you can so when

you do die poeple will remember

 You for your kindness and how

you lived your life 

We all will die

I know when I die people

will remember me for my

kindness and funny personality

That my funeral there will be more

Laughter then tears because all 

my family and friends will laugh because 

they will remember the funny stuff I did

They will also remember how kind and care 

I was to others and they be sad

because they miss me

© Amanda kay Hill

12/20/16

 

 

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Life Undone

 





LIFE UNDONE

 

sometimes

I think

of life undone

a vision

of what's to come?

the sorrow

becomes

so hard to take

feelings

so hard to fake

life undone

 

a picture

frozen in time

a voice

always

in my mind

you've gone

I'm left behind

life undone

 

how do I

go on each day

without you

how can I stay?

our future was set

forever with you

you are gone

now

what do I do?

life undone.

 

sometimes

I want

life undone.

              David

                       Williams

 

 

 

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When You Left

Walking through the empty house, it does not feel real.

The plate you used for breakfast still on the table.
Abandoned.
The clothes on the floor still bear your shape, as if you had just left them
They were once part of you, they helped make up who you were

The house echoes with your memory, it grieves quietly, softly
You have not left this world. Most of you is still here.
For how much does a simple body matter, when almost everything we are is in our possessions,
Everything but us.
 

You still exist in the plans you made

Obvious to even an outsider.
You did not go quietly into the oblivion,
You still shout loud and clear; In the bills left on the table,
To be paid later of course, in the photos on the mantelpiece,

In the voicemail that says “I’ll be home soon, don’t worry”

 

How can you be gone, when everything that made up you is still here?
The car you put your ‘heart and soul’ into, does not speak with your voice
But echoes with you.

You did not expect to leave when you did, but have you really left?

 

I miss the animation in the clothes in your wardrobe, now lifeless and grey
But sometimes, there is a spark and I can almost see you enveloped in them,
Making them you and you them
 

So much of your identity was in what you wore
This is why I cannot believe you have left.
You are still here, I see you in the videos of time gone by
The clothes that have your smell, the photos that have your face. 

How can something that is captured forever in time ever die
For those frozen memories are forever caught, held softly, gently
Worn by the years of use, comfortable

This is all I have left of you.

Promises of the future, the shells that are your clothes

No longer interesting, missing your spark.
Who are you now, without all this?
Are you the same, with not even your body

For you left that behind too, taking only that which made you you

I wonder now what we are, for those things we leave behind are not really us
If they were, would we really miss those who are gone, 
If we had even one photo to keep them tied to this world.

 

This was how I knew you were gone… your body no more screamed you.
You were no longer you without you.


Author's Notes/Comments: 

My first poem, so be gentle... This is a 10 minute job on an idea that has been perculating in my head and i needed to get it out. Please feel free to suggest improvements.
(The thing was being stupid and not allowing my paragraphs in correctly... appologies for that...) 

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Life Painting

Folder: 
New Poems

Put down that notepad, erase each word you've tried to type

Look no more at the writings of others, their words are only hype

Because the thoughts and feelings you keep trying to explain

Paint a portrait of a more personal joy and everlasting pain

Who's meaning only you and your loved one lost can ascertain

The canvas you've painted together is now dry to the touch

And while they are gone from this world, they really want so much

To look upon your special painting together with only you

And remember each brushstroke of your life as if it's still brand new

Because the only artists that truly get the painting are really just you two

Others may know you're in pain and feel sorry for your grief

But on this solemn anniversary, take hold of this belief

Your loved one doesn't need words or posts on this special day

But is waiting for you to finally put your old paintbrush away

And look with them at your life painting in your own shared, unique way

Love them, love them. again. in the way no words can ever say

Napeta

My dear friend
You'll always be
Up in the clouds
Looking down on me
You blessed my life
When we first met
Your love and friendship
I will never forget
All the jokes , and laughter
That we shared
Through the tears and sorrow
You always cared
But now your journey
Has come to an end
So please wait for me
Until I see you again

Author's Notes/Comments: 

In memory of my soul mate of a best friend. I miss you so much. Soul mates not only happen in love they happen with friends.

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