PBR - feedback would be awesome

2 replies [Last post]
lisam88's picture
Joined: 2011/10/18

i'm usually a songwriter, but here's my first take on a different kind of writing:

We're all in the poor
with our bills to pay.
tshirted, scouring for the end to the mean
the cruel string of self inflicted paper owed.
pray to find scissors to swipe from
a Brooklyn dollar store shelf
cut the string
minimize your damage, folks
I'll say that's us,
but its not really me.

some daddy's covering rent
for 1/2 the doors on my block
damned if i don't
accept mine is too
but when your freelance pocket scraps
mean you can't do al fresco
cling a devise who's love
not reciprocate.
I'll say that's us,
but its not really me.

Hey boy
preach the good work.
with nothing to claim
no megaphone
nor public record
brighten up solder
say you got debt
say you got nothing to loose
replaying others is where he and we take our stand
standing knee deep in someone else's words
i'll say that's us,
but its not really me.

Too arrogantly wishful
or blindly apethtic.
from a proper syntaxed idea of current
to just making everyone like us.
too risky to offend.
reversed all the way to suburban girl guilt.
see, I had what my mama had not
yeah, I'll say thats us,
but its not really me.

good thing the cheap stuff
helps with my cool
saving grace - drinking the cheap stuff
makes me look good.

allets's picture
Joined: 2012/08/19
U Mizspell’d

Apathetic. Wondrous write. Enjoyed and good poetry is a hard-find these years. Bravo and encore. It has value for us, maybe not for you :D






9inety's picture
Joined: 2003/01/01

this is not the cheap stuff this is great stuff

Why you haven't written more here is a crime



"One of the best results of life, is the torment of love"

Dylan Eliot