Platonic (This is my first post here. I'm looking for improvements and light critique. Warning: Amateur Poet)

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solitaryman25's picture
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Joined: 2011/09/15

Surely you must realize
My heart is not content.
I'm looking for a sign from you,
A slight and subtle hint.

To you, I am just a friend in life.
Platonic, stable, and amusing,
But even in this bottled strife,
The thought of you is behooving.

Tell me, tell me something more
With that eloquent voice of yours
Backed with thoughtful taste and hint of grace
That penetrate to my core.

Wind caresses that pirouetting hair
Waving proudly in the freedom of air.
That beautiful mind holds no reins,
But strength and wisdom pure as rain.

My senses swell to your sweet scent.
My magnetism towards you should prove as hint.
You are the fire that can't be quenched.
Though others erode, you are tightly cinched.

Perhaps you realize our platonic joke,
As pats on the back become graceful brush strokes.
When our eyes depart with the slightest delay.
And trivial conversation begins to decay.

So in this quiet moment, breathe in deep.
Don't pour out your heart, but let it seep.
Close your eyes are our lips graze
And sleep, assured, in this warm-skinned maze.

But my soaring dreams will never fly.
Only three months binds you and I.
You are claimed by a man who loves with his heart.
A sincere relation that I will not part.

Now comes the day where we now depart.
You wave out the window and begin your new start
Charging towards the future with confidence it seems
As I cling to the memories of these unfulfilled dreams.

SSmoothie's picture
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Joined: 2007/11/11
This is gold, but perhaps the

This is gold, but perhaps the word moving instead of behooving?
Though others erode, you are tightly cinched? Are your arms around her cinching her waist? Perhaps you mean 'you are held close to your heart'? Endlessly gripping or passion unending? The last two lines of the last stanza are beautiful and well devised, it seems you worry about rhyme sometimes and sometimes the rhythm but I like it very much all the same
The close your eyes are our lips graze needs a little tweak but has the potential to be a perfect line it's really good and I identify with the subject you've nailed well. Can't wait to see what you have in store hope this helps :)

Don't let any one shake your dream stars from your eyes, lest your soul Come away with them! -SS    

"Well, it's love, but not as we know it."