Unmarked Grave - Critique please

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Carcass's picture
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Joined: 2015/03/01

//I would like some honest opinions here about my song.  Thank you!

 

Thousand screams

Hear them plead for some control

You can feel their hearts tremble

No longer whole

 

Their eyes are made of glass

Unable to relinquish the past

Her son has departed this life

Before he drew his first breath

 

Only in death

May we find salvation

 

This life is a storm that never dissapates

A truth unveiled, to put you in your place

Such a lonely way to die

They only loved you for your lies

When all is revealed

Your pathetic life will be sealed

In an unmarked grave

In an abandoned field

 

I sit in the midst of their disaster

With wounds that fester and blister

Inside of my skin

I am left with nothing relevent

 

Show me how it is

To never be completed

To die with nothing to live for

To stand unchained, unbroken

Show me through your eyes

When you finally cross over

 

This life is a storm that never dissipates

A truth that has put me in my place

Such a lonely way to die

They only loved me for my lies

When all is revealed

Our pathetic lives will be sealed

In unmarked graves

In an abandoned field

 

My mind a causeway of emotion for the damned

A bleeding heart that can never be mended

As this torment continues, my shame is justified

I have taken away your precious gift of life

We all have our burdens to bear

A price on our heads

An angel to spare

When all is revealed

Our pathetic lives will be sealed

In unmarked graves

In an abandoned field

KindredSpirit's picture
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Joined: 2015/03/22
Uplifting he said  With a

Uplifting he said

 With a wink

Hoping it's not

My day to die.

But it is     good enough

To be good.