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She Needs More
Shadows fall across the lawn,
Nightfall comes,
And then the dawn.
Days pass by more or less unnoticed.
Nothing significant happened,
one more day, forgotten.
Love's idyllic fervor,
Flickers unsteadily,
As opportunities to keep it going,
Are missed.
One forgotten goodbye,
Turns into many.
And before long they are just passing,
On occasion a,
Habitual kiss on the cheek,
On the way out the door.
It doesn't seem to concern him,
But she needs more.
I could relate to this and I am thankful to God that I don't have to go through it anymore.
Ruth has said much, above, about the content of the poem. Let me now speak of its mechanism, which is very much parallel to the Metropolis poem posted at the same time, or approximately so. Like the other poem, this one also begins and ends with equal balances. In the other poem, it was two words signifying absolute time. But our Poet, not wishing to repeat herself exactly, substitutes rhyme for terms in this particular set of balances. Notice the first three and last three lines. In each of these triplets, the first and third lines rhyme perfectly; but this does not happen again in the body of the poem. And look at the parallel effects that each of these triplets describe. Night gives way to dawn, and these are intrinsically opposite. Two people pass at a door, and they are intrinsically opposite. Night is always followed by dawn---that is an absolute, a priori assumption that needs no theoretical proof; it simply happens. Two people have grown apart; perhaps not, in the beginning, an a priori assumption, but at this point (where the poem ends) an absolute effect that, like the earth rotating out of night and into dawn, requires no theoretical proof; it has simply happened. The body of the poem gives us the details of the transition to this sorry state of affairs. And, as in the Metropolis poem, she has taken a mundane event and given it literary significance by placing it within her system of verbal weights and balances. That's what poetry does---that much, that simply. And I will cite one more example. A man leads his family out of a town going through disaster; in so doing, he loses his beloved wife; he and the other family members are penniless, homeless, and more than a little confused. He has to make a lot of decisions with a lot of consequences, and is never sure he is doing exactly right. Happens all the time, right? Sure it does. But only one Poet---Publius Virgilius Maro, known to us as Virgil---put it together as The Aeneid. This is what Rae has done in this poem, and the Metropolis poem---using her verbal talent to highlight an otherwise mundane event, and showing us that it is not just mundane, but highly significant, if we will but take a look. And her language is what helps us take that look.
Starward
excellent piece,very evocative, reminds me of how early days and years of marriage so new,exciting,romantic,fall into rut and routine then communication breaks down and the candles flame dims to a going through the motions routine. Yeah I can relate to this one-very painful time when you asked how did it get to this point and why? Then you know there's no going back only forward and it was meant for a time and that time came to its end. You also knew through your pain not exactly when or how but something better would come about...15 years with Steve as oppose to the last 7 wonderful years with John...
I really, really love this peice. As I'm not married [lol], i could relate this into other important relationships in my life.
Just a lack of communication...you shut yourself away, wanting to be needed, and in the end you look at the other person and think 'i don't know who you are anymore'. A really great portrayal.
I love the description at the beggining, awesome.
And thanks for your most recent comment, especially the one about Maddy, she means lots to me and it meant alot that you would say something like that about the poem.
Thanks, and amazing poetry here, as ever
Lauren x