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My emotions
I sit back, and let my emotions take over…
My emotions: they have been known to get me in trouble,
Cause riots, start wars, loose friends, loose boyfriend, loose self-control…
My emotions, they have led me to act on jealousy, fear that my father was leaving me,
Fear my mother would never see me again… all around fear…
My Emotions? They run deeper than the Caribbean sea..
They often cause me pain, sometimes I cry because I cannot believe I am “alone”
There’s the naivety of my first love, and even though I put on a front, it’s been eight months and I’m still crushed.
My emotions have led me to pierce my skin, to choke the girl that was singing within.
They have caused me to act in sin, and even though I knew it was sin, if I had the chance, I’d do it again.
I used to be “good” raw, pure, without blemish, without worry that my heart would break.. (I think)…
Maybe I was too young and dumb to know the difference, but my emotions did.
They are their own characters.
Sometimes sadness lures me in, and happiness pushes sadness away, but then there’s anger which I’ve always had a problem with.
You know what’s the thing… Only people I really really love can get me angry, like Mummy, Daddy, all the close family, best friends, and well, you know, supposed “significant others.”
But my emotions man damn… I wish I could cut them out of my soul..
Breathe, live right and rock steady…
To another place, far from deer, and unrepentant new suburban homes that let my emotions flow freely, driving down Maple avenue wondering how did I get here, and If I could go back to Jamaica…
And wondering if Jamaica misses me as much as I miss Jamaica..
And wishing the only emotion I felt was being able to love Jamaica…
Look how it held me, cradled me, nurtured me, even loved me enough to let me go, the type of love I don’t think ANY man could EVER give to me…
My emotions just don’t understand my love affair with my homeland…
My emotions, maybe that’s where this all stems from, abandonment…
And no, I do not need counseling like many people at some point felt…
I will put my emotions to this paper, I will let it melt all over the paper like hot wax on a day when there is no power from JPS…
And I will feel another emotion, one that I can’t really express…
What would have happened if I just stayed?
What was my alternate destiny?
I will never know because I left.
All these thoughts contribute to my emotions.
