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Scheduled Falling
Monday morning seemed so dreaded. the whailing of the alarm just push my ever drowning happiness away. AS i sat up in my freezing cold apartment i concluded my day as long and boring before i even hit the alarm clock off. I pushed my hands into face wondering why i didn't die last night. I could still taste the sickening cocktail of tablets and alchol i forced myself to consume the night before. The most it seemed to do was tease me with sleep. i stood up onto the floor bare footed standing on what seemed to be a bottle of which had held the tablets I had added to my cocktail. falling short of a pace i stare into the ever growing sadness held within a shell's reflection and leant against the wall. I stared deep into the mirror knowing my pace of life was only a tender kiss away from what i could ever know as death. I stared into my face just wishing it to dissappear into what could only be failure upon having the wish come true. I fell into a motion of what seemed to feel as if i wasn't there as if i was just floating and drifting upon a cloud of yet more sadness. I floated to my stack of clothes and pulled anything onto myself, i Drifted to the door and opened it. I sighed as i heard it close behind me teasing myself with with the thought "no rest for the wicked" i smiled slightly and slowly floated down the stairs into the streets of broken dreams.
Pacing slowly down the skinny grey street, the smell of over worked Green house gases controlled most of all my senses. People seem to drift by in no known cause of actions complimented by money. Stumbling and choking on my own breathing i stand alone at the bus stop. I am soom accompanied by mothers and their screeching children as they take them to their life's vow of education. towering over us the bus approches stopping with a big hiss. AS the doors screech open and the children push and pull each other with there mothers calling them from behind i slowly climb upon the bus and drop the money into the tray. I look up and notice a free seat next to a Old Lady with a pink long jacket. I lean over to her and ask "Excuse me Ma'am may i sit here?" she turned to me sharply nervoursly she responded "I'm quite sure there is no reason not to let you sit here" as she shuffled closer to the window. I nodded and thanked her as i sat on the green seat. I stared at my torn trainers thinking about last night. "I just didn't do it right, ill try again tonight" is all kept thinking reassuring myself how i didn't need a suicide note. "Excuse me, I need to get off here" the Old lady said to me quietly.. I sttod up and held onto the pole as she shuffled out of the seat and up towards the exit. I sat down onto the seat again and stared out into the fast pace wondering world.
As I stepped off the bus and looked up to the anormous building i have worked in for 3 years i feel a small hard stone come into contact with my head. Children screaming names at me and throwing stones at me, a stranger. I walk quietly and slowly towards my workplace. as the huge building consumes me a unknown voice echo's to me "Early today then taylor?" I lift my head up and stop walking and tip my head sligtly wondering who said it. "Nice Day Isn't it?" ...no it isn't i thought to myself, the voice was definatly a woman's. "You not going to speak to me then?" she said climbing down a ladder. she stood infront of me and stuck out her hand... "My name is Jen I'm the new Safety Instructor" I looked at her hand and my heartrate increased I pushed my hand down the side of my pant's and grabbed her hand. we shook hands softly and slowly. " I hear your the lesbian of the group here. well lets say your not alone" she winked i looked up at her and choked on my breath. I was a lesbian? " I..I am?" I coughed she let go of my hand and her smile dissolved. "you mean your not?" she whispered she backed off slightly and i felt compelled to apoligese I stepped back and rubbed the back of my neck with the hand i shaked hers with. "uhmm... no..well I'm bi but not Lesbian" I forced myself to smile at her.she smiled and turned around "oh ok I'll guess I'll see you around the workshop then Bye" and she was gone. I let my arms swing back to my side and into my pockets and carried on to my desk where i stayed sulking about my failure of suicide.
Yet again to my suprise The Day seemed a little shorter to which i regularly call a Work Day as set out to leave. The Workshop was empty as I was always the last to leave this incredably huge dark Building. The Pacing home was short as I went for a coffee at the cafe just around the corner of my street. I swang the door open and went for my regular seat near the bar. Looking up at Alice (the waitress) I nodded and stuck my index finger up to signal one to her. She smiled and was with my coffee within the minute. "Hey there hunny, had a long Day at work?" she whistled as she handed me the coffee. "not so much as long today, seemed kinda short." I said as I sipped the browny colored concucture. "They usually seem so long but, today was kinda different." "oh thats good sugar you can only hope It's good" she giggled. I smiled at her as she went off wiping the surfaces and taking order's off huge bulk men who had no dignity of any sort to speak to the lady of ALice's structure. Her blounde wavy hair was obviously her Prize attraction, her river blue a sinking pool of lust and she was in no place to be treated with such ugly behaviour. I sipped my warm coffee and looked up to the TV hanging by the Kitchen door, the news was on but soon It'll be on the sports channel as people worry not about the lives shreading apart in other countries but care more about some guy with a foot injury who plays for the Miami Dolphins...
