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went to the doctors office last friday,

they did all the things you expect in traige

doctor came is and asked if i ever had a

colonostipy test,i said no and asked

what is a colonostipy test

well she replied they stick a

rubber hose up your ass and then

proceed to fill you with air like a basket ball

this blows up your stomach

side effects is that you will fart for

two or three days,i sit there and process

what she said,well i said hell no i aint 

going to do one.

she said she under stood and there

is an alternitive test,well i`m all ears

she procedded to take what looked like

to be three business size cards and a large envelope out of a drawer 

she said she wante d me to give her a smear

on those cards and mail them back,oh hell no,

i said,you want me to shit on those cards

and mail them to you,,she said yes.

well i went home and laid the cards on the floor

and begin to shit on them,what a damn mess, the teard would not fit into the envelope,

i called the doctors office and asked them if they had a larger envelope

and told the lady why i needed it.

she laughed and put me on hold

soon i heard another voice on the phone

asking me if she could help me,yeah i said and told her the teard wouldn`t fit in the envelope,

she started laughing and put me on hold again

finally the doctor came on and through her sniggers

she told me she only needed a smear,well i said thank you and hung up the phone

and procedded back to the bath room,i picked up that teard and smeared it on the cards

well it got all over my hands,my wife came in and said ":oh my lord "shit all over the bath room,and all over me

well needless to say,

i was farting all the next day...