21 yrs. (reflect)

i have a habit of turning things into what they really aren't;

jumping to conclusions, and making assumptions.

i'll make up my own world inside my head sometimes,

and feel this way, when it isn't really like that at all.

but, i have to capture that feeling,

so i know, so i remember what that feels like.

when i was around, i didn't think i ever did belong.

now that it's just me, i'm still not sure where i do.

i can't just stay still like this.

i have to keep moving, no matter what keeps me grounded.

i have to keep going with this.

there are times i drew attention to myself,

because they wouldn't have paid attention otherwise.

i never really fit in that fake, artificial mould,

like i was supposed to.

it just wasn't made for me.

maybe you never really understood me.

maybe i didn't understand myself.

maybe i thought of ending it,

without even realizing it was all just beginning.

nobody knew who i was then.

i couldn't even figure that out.

i really don't think i was myself then.

maybe, i'm almost there now

and sure, i have my regrets,

but it couldn't have been any other way.

i know there's paths i'll cross again.

this won't be the last of it.

i'm not the same, anymore.

i didn't mean to be so attached,

but you made the best of me.

and i didn't want to lose that,

to go back to where i was before.

but now that i'm here, it's really not that place at all.

a definite change has taken place.

now that i'm here, i have to make some changes

and go where i want to go.

maybe that'll lead me back, maybe it won't.

who knows?

nothing's ever certain, but wherever this goes,

i'm content.

this has all been built up, but what has it become?

and what do i do with it?

where do i go with this?

sometimes, it's as if some things never even happened.

it's as if pieces from the past were made up, somehow.

i've pushed them back so far that i don't even accept them.

but the last few years i know for certain.

i can't forget, i'll never forget.

and looking back on it all,

everything kept bringing myself down, burying myself.

and now, because of this, i'm finally on the surface.

instead of stopping, it can only keep moving from here.

but to where?

i'll only live through this once.

there's still a long way to go.

i can't mess this up.

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Traci Cleveland's picture

Love it, love it! I think there are times when we all reflect on ourselves and ask "who was that person?" I liked your wording, you seem to have put alot of thought into it. Great job.

Melissa M.'s picture

this was the first i read...i like it! it's real and honest