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How can I be expected to live happily when all I've been around is moping 

Where do I see myself in 5 years? I don't know, I don't even know if I'll live to see tomorrow

I don't care anymore, I hope I don't wake up tomorrow. I don't want to wake up .

After every blink I wish it were my last 

I feel so alone yet I want to further myself away from everybody and everything 

Nothing will ever be better

Nothing will ever be ok

It gets better? When??

When do things get better??

I've been waiting for them to get better for years! How many failed suicide attempts until it actually happens?? How much longer can I take of this???

I'm belittled, made out as irresponsible, arrogant, unkind, not trustworthy, not valid, hateful and hated. 

How can anybody be treated like that?? Why am I treated like that?? 

I'm desperate for relief 

Any relief

I have not control over my life and my mind has become a war zone 

And with a fatality, my well being

I've finally realized why I hate my self so much. 

I've been told every reason too. 

I'm sorry to my younger self, I thought it would get better but it hasn't

I've let my self down and I'm afraid that that is all I will ever do

I've hit rock bottom several times

They say that when you hit rock bottom then you'll know it won't get worst

Well there's a truth in that but what they didn't say is that you can hit rock bottom several times and it will affect you just as negatively as it did. 

And every time after that I find less and less reasons to carry on.

How much longer until I find no other reason?

How much??

I don't know what to say or do to improve my situation 

I'm not listened to and it won't change unless I leave

But why is that the solution to my happiness?? 

I don't want to leave but I want to be happy

Why must I choose between my happiness and that of those who love me

Why does dying always seem like my only solution 

A solution to where I don't hurt and I don't see those who I love hurt

I'm practically dead 

Just a walking broken carcass 

I don't know if this a cry for help or just another script