Author Information
Addictions (Interview)
Questions: ( paragraph numbers)
1: what is my substance/behavior I am addicted too...
2:how long have I been addicted.
3: was is physical/psychological addicting or both.
4:has it changed my life?
5: Is addiction a disease?
6: closure
For me It tends to be Substance(s) and Behavior(s) I am addicted too, I can fall in the category as cross addicted.
my past addictions (i currently don't use) L.S.D. Ecstasy, mushrooms, and narcotics. I currently still commonly use marijuana, K2 and Robitussin. I would say the behavior or action I am addicted too is escaping reality and putting myself into a better place.
I have been using since I was thirteen, I now am nineteen. So I have been using for six years. It has been both physically addicting and psychologically addicting in the past, I do not believe that I am currently still addicted, or if I ever really was. I had to learn boundaries and where to draw the line. The problem in the past more so than the substance has been the lack of self control. For the longest time I just couldn't stop and had no desire to stop what I was doing. I wanted nothing more than be completely intoxicated on my free time. I would always without thinking do more than I could handle, I didn't know when to cut myself off, from any given substance at any given time.
My life has changed drastically do to my using, all from suicide attempts, to overdoses a drop out of college and finally rehabilitation. I have attended both Narcotics anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous and had close to six months sober until I decided I would use again. My addiction has lead me to many fall outs with friends family, Losing my apartment and to relocation changes. The hardest of these situations for myself to cope with was the change of location and the feeling of starting over, especially in the first few months of the geological change i was riddled with a lot of guilt and it was physically and mentally hard for me to really function as I currently did before the change happened. It has took its toll on my life currently so far, I do believe I have everything laid out and I have things back on track.
My brain in general has changed drastically due to the drug use in both negative, (and I will actually use the word) positive ways
It has really made me not care what many may say about the choices I have made and I disregard much advice i guess. I have a tendency to be verbally destructive and I am perfectly ok with taking time out for myself. some of the drugs I have took like acid and shrooms have really enhanced my appreciation for art and music. I currently have a website away from social networks filled with my creative art witch is music, creative writing and memoirs. On my free time I at least write music or write lyrically and record everyday. Many of the times I will do these activities while under the influence of some substance. My current favorite one to write music or write under the influence is Robitussin, I love abstract ideas, and It really helps me generate many creative ideas in the act and I would say my hobby is recording what I recall seeing for feeling while listening to music or close eyed hallucinating. I never had any interest in any of these activities until I started using hypoallergenic substances. I will also tab on a creative writing piece with this report as I see it fits with this interview. I also experience minor flashbacks of these drugs at random times. I would not consider them bad, dangerous or severe by any means. It really just experience a random change of color of an object or short distorted thought process nothing that I would say is uncontrollable or even considered obvious to anyone if I am around people. I also experience really vivid day dreams when I sit back and relax to music or zone out. I like these phenomenons, they help me pull inspiration to sit down and write
This addiction has taught me to really appreciate abstract ideas, art and nature. It has also got me infatuated with sharing my own creations as well. It has also taught me that everybody has different opinions and many people are really active and determined to spread there opinions destructively on to others. my addiction has also taught me to open my mind and appreciate things that took effort and time to build and create, like music, architecture and nature.
I indeed have sought out helps and attended numerous support groups. I have learned a lot from these groups and rehabilitation. I have learned self control and my limit on what I myself and my body can handle. I can not handle drinking and I also can not handle using more than one substance at a time. I also learned when enough is enough and I know myself enough to cut myself off from what ever I am doing. I learned to not publicly use, and how to draw inspiration from when I do use and make it a time where I am being productive with my thoughts and time. I do believe the help I sought has helped me, I do not believe that using a substance like marijuana or even some hallucinogenic substances is technically a bad and destructive thing. Like everything else in this world there is good and bad. It is all on the reason and intentions of what you are doing that determines your actions to be destructive or productive. I do not believe I have overcomed an addiction, (because I believe I do not suffer from an addiction) But I belive I have overcomed my self as I have learned a lot about myself in the process. Yes, I do beleive what I enjoy and what I currently do can be determined as reckless. but due to the fact That I do not have reckless intentions but actually productive intentions with what I will classify as an odd hobby I believe what I do with my free time is not hurting anyone, even myself. I know what is the limit on what I take and I also know the long term effects of the substances I use, good and bad. I also have a limit and a line I refuse to cross in the process, whitch I now have enough self control to say I wont do what i set my limits too and know I will not dance on the line in the process. I have self worth and self control, I also enjoy my abstract ideas, and really love writing about them.
last but not least, you asked is addiction is a disease. This one question itself I can give a ten page report on. But, I do not believe that addiction is a disease. I believe low self worth and no self control is a disease. For these two things together can be create very destructive thoughts and have you act out on very hostile actions. I believe alcoholics suffer from a disease, but are actually suffering from low self worth and no control so they find any means to escape these thoughts and will go to any measure to try and drown there emotions with whatever they get there hands on to get their crippling thoughts out of their heads for the time being. Yes addiction itself is a serious situation. I do not promote the act of using any substance, for many people lack the control over there selves. so in the end the drug ends up controlling them. But I also do not believe sobriety should be a rule to follow for our lives, addict or not. I believe escaping reality for short periods of time can actually be beneficial to someones stress level and overall happiness.
All drugs have terrible side effects. many long term are debilitating to any persons health. I do believe moderation really is the key, witch for many is an impossible goal. and to witch why many drugs are unmoral and illegal. smoking causes cancer, but if you smoke a cigarette once a week instead of four or five a day, your health will not decline. so I believe the statistics placed over any common substance can be a little misleading because the statistics are based around someone with a serious addiction to that substance. I also believe many people, more people than not can not control themselves and believe they shouldn't use any altering drug. But this all fall back on self worth , intentions and self control, that really decide if one person has addictive personality traits or not. and it falls back to opinions that really decides rather or not addiction is a disease.
