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Every Time
Every time I try to relax,
Memories flood over me and old feelings come back.
Every time that I get in this state of mind,
I'm tormented and my sense of reality I just can't find.
I hate these people. I hate this world.
I hate this life. And I hate this girl.
Remembering all of the times that I got high.
Sitting on cloud nine, while watching my life go by.
Every time I popped pills, I felt free.
I felt like I was on top of the world instead of it being on top of me.
Every time I drank liquor, I felt less pain.
I felt like my life was more stable and easier to maintain.
Every time I smoked weed, I felt like everything slowed down.
I felt like my problems were gone for the moment, but I always knew they'd come back around.
Every time I sniffed cocain, I felt like everything would speed by.
Hoping my problems would do the same while surpressing my reasons to cry.
Every time I was sober, All of my feelings would be there waiting for me to deal with in a line.
I felt trapped, so I did more drugs every single time.
I hate these moments. I hate these walls.
I hate these feelings that causes me to fall.
It seems like whenever I try to handle these problems with myself.
I'm never able to do it and I have too much pride to ask for help.
It's kind of ironic how these things work.
The way life changes and how i deal with all the hurt.
When I was younger I tried suicide.
Every time I woke up, one question ran through my mind.
"Why am I still alive?"
That was my question every single time.
These times right now are so much more harder to deal with.
Because I can't take anything to get rid of these feelings that I live with.
So I take it one day at a time.
Because not a day goes by that doesn't hurt within every feeling every day every time.
Written by: Twylla Medina
